My little princess turned two (on November 2nd).
Hooray!
Monday, November 08, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
FB..Grrr.
Facebook is being an absolute pill right now as I'm trying to upload photos and the darn thing isn't working.
So... ta da! My blog viewers get to see them instead *lol*
Below are pictures of Bellaboo as a ballerina (the only way I could get her out of her fuzzy blue pajamas she loves):
And here we have Julius showing off his new hair cut, he's so dramatic, I need to get this kid involved in theatre.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Rock on
Today was a great day! The weather was perfect :)
In the early morning Julius had hockey practice. Since it was too early for me to be even remotely functional, Isabella and I stayed home while Josh took our #16 to the rink. Josh also helps out on the ice, so it's a nice bonding time for the two boys.
Isabella and I bonded in our way... coffee for me, some yogurt for her, and lots of books. My favorite is one that Josh's sister had bought for her. It's a Flip-a-face book by someone named Sami.
Isabella always cracks up and we take turns putting our heads in the face opening. It's such a great book. I think every parent should own one.
After books and yogurt we played with blocks and her dolls and then danced around the house.
Julius came home and we all relaxed in the rec room. Julius drew pictures, Isabella played dolls... then we had lunch (pizza!!!!!!!!!! I know, can the day get any better? LOL)
And it gets better... Isabella and I took a 2 hour nap. FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!
Then we went to the Halloween store for their costumes and I bought myself a pair of really cute pair of gold boot-like sandals :)
Yay for today!
Friday, October 08, 2010
Saturday, October 02, 2010
As usual, Bells has more style-sense than her mother. She chooses her own outfits... and she has wonderful taste. Hopefully we'll be able to swap clothing when she's older LOL
Meanwhile, Mr. Julius has been invited to try out for the Select team. He is beyond thrilled. We're so proud of our lil' hockey guy!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
colors of fall
This season is calling for camel, brown, tan, gray and purple....
And Isabella proves that you can do a lot with purple:
Note the purple furry vest and the purple long sleeved shirt along with the purple Dora crocs... yes, purple is THE color of the season for this Gaga Fashion Baby.
And Isabella proves that you can do a lot with purple:
Note the purple furry vest and the purple long sleeved shirt along with the purple Dora crocs... yes, purple is THE color of the season for this Gaga Fashion Baby.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
La Di Da
It's nice when you can cross a concern off your list.
Yesterday, I was able to cross one off: which was FABULOUS...
I spoke to the cardiologist because I was worried about my kids. Josh has a heart murmur, I have cardiomyopathy... should the kids see a cardiologist?!?!
I am happy to say the answer was "no."
Josh's murmur occurred later in life, and my dilated cardiomyopathy is non-ischemic (not coronary disease, not inherited/hypertrophic, etc.) which was more than likely acquired virally and probably postpartum as well.
So unless my lovebugs start showing signs of a cardiac-related issue, there is nothing to worry about.
Very nice :)
Yesterday, I was able to cross one off: which was FABULOUS...
I spoke to the cardiologist because I was worried about my kids. Josh has a heart murmur, I have cardiomyopathy... should the kids see a cardiologist?!?!
I am happy to say the answer was "no."
Josh's murmur occurred later in life, and my dilated cardiomyopathy is non-ischemic (not coronary disease, not inherited/hypertrophic, etc.) which was more than likely acquired virally and probably postpartum as well.
So unless my lovebugs start showing signs of a cardiac-related issue, there is nothing to worry about.
Very nice :)
Friday, August 06, 2010
sweet summer
Summer is slowly winding down. The days are hot and humid. It's raining a lot: it's as if the season knows it's coming to an end and is hitting us with all she's got before the fall.
I love the fall. The changing leaves and the crisp air always makes me happy. Spring is my second favorite season because of the daffodils. I can't stop smiling when I drive down a road with daffodils lining by the side streets.
I used to love winter. But I think the last snow storm made me a bit sick of the snow LOL
Things are well at home. The kids are happy, which is always important.
I start my new job in a couple of weeks. I'm really excited. Change can be scary, but it's also a somewhat fresh start and I can't wait to jump in with both feet.
Health is the same. I need to call the cardiologist and ask some more questions. Sometimes I think his carefree nature is more of an avoidance, which is generally fine since I like to go with the flow... but then when I start thinking of questions at night, I get annoyed because these are things I SHOULD already know, but don't. But the answer is just a phone call away, so I'll call on Monday.
Tomorrow we're having our family portraits taken. Of course I end up smacking my head against a closet railing as I rummaged for a matching set of shoes... and now I have a painful bruise and bump on my forehead. It reminds me of when my father broke his nose the night before my wedding.
Nothing to stress about, only laugh.
I should plug in my scanner and scan a picture of it.
Well, I suppose I'm done rambling for one evening.
G'night!
I love the fall. The changing leaves and the crisp air always makes me happy. Spring is my second favorite season because of the daffodils. I can't stop smiling when I drive down a road with daffodils lining by the side streets.
I used to love winter. But I think the last snow storm made me a bit sick of the snow LOL
Things are well at home. The kids are happy, which is always important.
I start my new job in a couple of weeks. I'm really excited. Change can be scary, but it's also a somewhat fresh start and I can't wait to jump in with both feet.
Health is the same. I need to call the cardiologist and ask some more questions. Sometimes I think his carefree nature is more of an avoidance, which is generally fine since I like to go with the flow... but then when I start thinking of questions at night, I get annoyed because these are things I SHOULD already know, but don't. But the answer is just a phone call away, so I'll call on Monday.
Tomorrow we're having our family portraits taken. Of course I end up smacking my head against a closet railing as I rummaged for a matching set of shoes... and now I have a painful bruise and bump on my forehead. It reminds me of when my father broke his nose the night before my wedding.
Nothing to stress about, only laugh.
I should plug in my scanner and scan a picture of it.
Well, I suppose I'm done rambling for one evening.
G'night!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
good news
In March, when I had my first echocardiogram, my heart function was 30-35%
Then, in May, after taking beta blockers to control my PAC, I had an angiogram that showed an improved heart function of 40%
Last week, I had my second echocardiogram... about/almost six months since my diagnosis of cardiomyopathy.
Good news: My heart function has not decreased.
My heart function is still at 40% which is really good news. It seems the first six months are critical, and considering that my function didn't deteriorate shows that everything is stable.
The cardiologist increased my beta blocker dosage since I'm still having PACs.
But another echocardiogram isn't considered to be necessary for another year.
Seems that 40% heart function is where I'm going to be.
Not too bad.
Better than 30%
And today I was definitely grateful for that 40% function because if it were any less, I would never have been able to carry three boxes into my car and drive them TO MY NEW OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 23rd, baby!! I can't wait to start my new job :)
Then, in May, after taking beta blockers to control my PAC, I had an angiogram that showed an improved heart function of 40%
Last week, I had my second echocardiogram... about/almost six months since my diagnosis of cardiomyopathy.
Good news: My heart function has not decreased.
My heart function is still at 40% which is really good news. It seems the first six months are critical, and considering that my function didn't deteriorate shows that everything is stable.
The cardiologist increased my beta blocker dosage since I'm still having PACs.
But another echocardiogram isn't considered to be necessary for another year.
Seems that 40% heart function is where I'm going to be.
Not too bad.
Better than 30%
And today I was definitely grateful for that 40% function because if it were any less, I would never have been able to carry three boxes into my car and drive them TO MY NEW OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 23rd, baby!! I can't wait to start my new job :)
Monday, July 19, 2010
My amazing little boy
Yesterday:
So Julius wanted to turn our house into a restaurant. So I pulled out some paper and we were all set to make the signs and menu.
Julius wanted to name it "Chef Cook." So I spelled it out for him. He immediately started with a backwards C, but corrected it when I pointed it out to him. He did the same for the C in 'cook,' but happily figured out that COOK ended with a K.
Then he went to write a second sign, and put the first sign next to him to use as a model.
This is what he wrote:
FEHC KOOC.
I looked at it, and then back at him, and I asked, "Does that look the same as the other sign?" And Julius nodded his head and read it back to me, "Chef Cook."
I find the whole way he processes words to be incredibly fascinating. Georgetown University is doing a study on reading disorders. I've contacted them to see if Julius is eligible to be part of the study. http://csl.georgetown.edu/functional_mri/
As for Julius, the way I've explained it to him is that he has an incredibly cool brain. That it's so cool he can see things in ways that most other people can't. And that having an awesome brain is going to help him when he's older, but now, since he's little, he's going to need to work extra hard in having to teach his brain to read and write and spell the way most other kids do. And that it doesn't sound fair, but it's going to help him do well in school if everyone else can understand what he writes. He seemed to accept that. He's always liked to help people, so by making it seem that his brain is just so awesome and because of his superpowers he needs to HELP others, it motivated him to write "Chef Cook" the right way.
So Julius wanted to turn our house into a restaurant. So I pulled out some paper and we were all set to make the signs and menu.
Julius wanted to name it "Chef Cook." So I spelled it out for him. He immediately started with a backwards C, but corrected it when I pointed it out to him. He did the same for the C in 'cook,' but happily figured out that COOK ended with a K.
Then he went to write a second sign, and put the first sign next to him to use as a model.
This is what he wrote:
FEHC KOOC.
I looked at it, and then back at him, and I asked, "Does that look the same as the other sign?" And Julius nodded his head and read it back to me, "Chef Cook."
I find the whole way he processes words to be incredibly fascinating. Georgetown University is doing a study on reading disorders. I've contacted them to see if Julius is eligible to be part of the study. http://csl.georgetown.edu/functional_mri/
As for Julius, the way I've explained it to him is that he has an incredibly cool brain. That it's so cool he can see things in ways that most other people can't. And that having an awesome brain is going to help him when he's older, but now, since he's little, he's going to need to work extra hard in having to teach his brain to read and write and spell the way most other kids do. And that it doesn't sound fair, but it's going to help him do well in school if everyone else can understand what he writes. He seemed to accept that. He's always liked to help people, so by making it seem that his brain is just so awesome and because of his superpowers he needs to HELP others, it motivated him to write "Chef Cook" the right way.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
tomorrow
Tomorrow I have my second echocardiogram. I'll find out the results next week.
Honestly, I don't know how I feel... if I've been feeling better or not.
Seriously, I am constantly tired, always. But that isn't new. Maybe I'm more tired... but is it because I'm a mother of two children who refuse to sleep through the night and I work M-F from 8 until 3:30 and then come home to job #2 as Mommy? I mean, that can make anyone exhausted.
And the shortness of breath and chest pains... well, it's been insanely hot. So it could just be because we've been living under CODE RED for awhile.
So am I feeling better? I really don't know.
I guess I'll have to wait and see what the echocardiogram says.
July weekend 2010 083.MOV
Julius has decided to be a "graphic artist." His first "job" was to make a Dr. Fate movie.
Friday, July 09, 2010
rambling cobblestone moi
Sometimes my husband can be absolutely spontaneous. I love when he gets that way... he's all happy and goofy: it makes me smile and I suddenly feel like a kid being told I can buy as much candy as I want at the candy store.
It's such a stress-free and relaxing feeling.
In any case, today was one of these days. I was chatting on the phone with him while driving to a home-visit (because I drive better when I'm multi-tasking LOL) and he surprises me by saying "Let's drive to the beach tomorrow."
I was so surprised that I missed my turn. Thankfully, we have this thing called "3-point turns", so it was all okay.
So now Josh and Julius are at the movies and I have the task of... packing.
I'm not a fan of packing, but I know that if I don't do it (and let Josh do it) he'll forget half of everything we need.
No offense to him. I just know him well enough to do all the packing myself.
So once Isabella went to sleep, I decided to set the clothing out on the bed... and then I came to a horrible realization.
Well, two horrible realizations actually.
1. I cannot find Julius' bathing trunks ANYWHERE. Now the kid has TWO trunks and both are gone. GONE! I checked the hamper, I checked the bathroom floor, I even checked the guest bathroom's tub... I checked the laundry room, under the beds, in the beds, in the closets... where did it go?
And then I came to another horrible and quite BIZARRE realization.
2. I have 3 bikini tops, one tankini top... and no bottoms. Where the hell did the bottoms go?! Again, I checked the hamper, I checked the bathroom floor, I even checked the guest bathroom's tub... I checked the laundry room, under the beds, in the beds, in the closets... where did it go?
I have Isabella's bathing suit.. two of them. I have Josh's trunks. I have extra clothing... the towels are in the washing machine...
but how can we go without all the attire?
Must we really stop by Target on the way to the beach?
Well, if you insist.
In other news this heat has been DISGUSTING. I have to catch my breath just going to my car in a parking lot. It's insane. Ugh. Of course I then remember complaining about all the snow and the cold and the snow and the snow and the snow and the snow and the snow from last winter... so maybe this is payback for all the bitching we all did?
No one said "Payback" was nice.
I heard it might rain tomorrow. Yes, I'm back on the 'beach topic,' Try to keep up, okay? And that is truly bumming me out because all of Josh's spontaneity would have been for nothing. And then what? What will we do on a rainy Saturday?
I still say we should go to Target though *GRIN*
I really like that store :)
It's such a stress-free and relaxing feeling.
In any case, today was one of these days. I was chatting on the phone with him while driving to a home-visit (because I drive better when I'm multi-tasking LOL) and he surprises me by saying "Let's drive to the beach tomorrow."
I was so surprised that I missed my turn. Thankfully, we have this thing called "3-point turns", so it was all okay.
So now Josh and Julius are at the movies and I have the task of... packing.
I'm not a fan of packing, but I know that if I don't do it (and let Josh do it) he'll forget half of everything we need.
No offense to him. I just know him well enough to do all the packing myself.
So once Isabella went to sleep, I decided to set the clothing out on the bed... and then I came to a horrible realization.
Well, two horrible realizations actually.
1. I cannot find Julius' bathing trunks ANYWHERE. Now the kid has TWO trunks and both are gone. GONE! I checked the hamper, I checked the bathroom floor, I even checked the guest bathroom's tub... I checked the laundry room, under the beds, in the beds, in the closets... where did it go?
And then I came to another horrible and quite BIZARRE realization.
2. I have 3 bikini tops, one tankini top... and no bottoms. Where the hell did the bottoms go?! Again, I checked the hamper, I checked the bathroom floor, I even checked the guest bathroom's tub... I checked the laundry room, under the beds, in the beds, in the closets... where did it go?
I have Isabella's bathing suit.. two of them. I have Josh's trunks. I have extra clothing... the towels are in the washing machine...
but how can we go without all the attire?
Must we really stop by Target on the way to the beach?
Well, if you insist.
In other news this heat has been DISGUSTING. I have to catch my breath just going to my car in a parking lot. It's insane. Ugh. Of course I then remember complaining about all the snow and the cold and the snow and the snow and the snow and the snow and the snow from last winter... so maybe this is payback for all the bitching we all did?
No one said "Payback" was nice.
I heard it might rain tomorrow. Yes, I'm back on the 'beach topic,' Try to keep up, okay? And that is truly bumming me out because all of Josh's spontaneity would have been for nothing. And then what? What will we do on a rainy Saturday?
I still say we should go to Target though *GRIN*
I really like that store :)
Monday, June 07, 2010
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Always be your own advocate
Always be an advocate:
not only for your self,
but for your children.
It's amazing how many people will take the easy road when they think you don't know the information.
It's amazing how many people will contradict themselves when they realize you know your shit.
And sadly, it's amazing how many people just let it all happen.
I'm not one of those people.
Sure, I go with the flow with a lot of things, but not when it comes to my family.
Not when it comes to my children.
And if I become "THAT parent," you know the one I'm talking about... so be it.
I will rather be "THAT parent" that nags and nudges and demands, than "THAT OTHER parent" that lets everyone else run the show.
And it's sad that even with my best intentions and all my resources and all my knowledge.... I'm still going to end up paying out of pocket for something that should be free because there are some PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO DO THEIR JOB, WELL.
Comprehensive should mean comprehensive.
** eye roll **
not only for your self,
but for your children.
It's amazing how many people will take the easy road when they think you don't know the information.
It's amazing how many people will contradict themselves when they realize you know your shit.
And sadly, it's amazing how many people just let it all happen.
I'm not one of those people.
Sure, I go with the flow with a lot of things, but not when it comes to my family.
Not when it comes to my children.
And if I become "THAT parent," you know the one I'm talking about... so be it.
I will rather be "THAT parent" that nags and nudges and demands, than "THAT OTHER parent" that lets everyone else run the show.
And it's sad that even with my best intentions and all my resources and all my knowledge.... I'm still going to end up paying out of pocket for something that should be free because there are some PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO DO THEIR JOB, WELL.
Comprehensive should mean comprehensive.
** eye roll **
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
blah blah
Do you know sucks about having a heart condition?
Not knowing if your chest pain is something serious, or just your average chest pain.
Like, is it:
allergy-induced chest pain?
muscle pulled chest pain?
heart condition-something amiss chest pain?
and if it's 'heart condition chest pain'.... then how bad does it have to get to be considered serious?
See how complicated something as trivial as a pain in your heart can be?
It's obnoxious.
And then, of course, the whole thing leads to the next question:
Call doctor?
Don't call doctor?
Go to sleep?
Go the the ER?
Ridiculous.
I think we all just need some sort of body-scan machinery: something small, like a cell phone, or something similar in size, and just point it to ourselves and CLICK! A screen will pop up and tell us what's going on.
I'm sure an invention like this is already in the works. It just needs to be developed and shared faster. And can it be slightly on the inexpensive side? Hockey is an expensive sport and we just mailed out the checks for Julius' fall season.
Not knowing if your chest pain is something serious, or just your average chest pain.
Like, is it:
allergy-induced chest pain?
muscle pulled chest pain?
heart condition-something amiss chest pain?
and if it's 'heart condition chest pain'.... then how bad does it have to get to be considered serious?
See how complicated something as trivial as a pain in your heart can be?
It's obnoxious.
And then, of course, the whole thing leads to the next question:
Call doctor?
Don't call doctor?
Go to sleep?
Go the the ER?
Ridiculous.
I think we all just need some sort of body-scan machinery: something small, like a cell phone, or something similar in size, and just point it to ourselves and CLICK! A screen will pop up and tell us what's going on.
I'm sure an invention like this is already in the works. It just needs to be developed and shared faster. And can it be slightly on the inexpensive side? Hockey is an expensive sport and we just mailed out the checks for Julius' fall season.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
weekend
It's a hot and humid weekend, but I'm happy to be home with my kids.
We've had a lot of fun: playing outside, playing inside, painting, rough-housing, running, cuddling and just relaxing...
Things haven't all been roses however. My father-in-law is still fighting hard with his own heart issues. Josh is having a tough time dealing with this. It's hard to imagine. I don't think I could imagine being in his shoes. It's hard and it's not fair, and it's life and that doesn't make it any better.
But all we can do is be positive and 'keep on swimming' through this world with the hope that it will all work out and everything will be right and okay once again, whatever that means.
And I just found out that my new neighbor is an old friend from high school! What an amazingly strange and small world we live in!
Wishing everyone a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend.
Love to all,
moi
We've had a lot of fun: playing outside, playing inside, painting, rough-housing, running, cuddling and just relaxing...
Things haven't all been roses however. My father-in-law is still fighting hard with his own heart issues. Josh is having a tough time dealing with this. It's hard to imagine. I don't think I could imagine being in his shoes. It's hard and it's not fair, and it's life and that doesn't make it any better.
But all we can do is be positive and 'keep on swimming' through this world with the hope that it will all work out and everything will be right and okay once again, whatever that means.
And I just found out that my new neighbor is an old friend from high school! What an amazingly strange and small world we live in!
Wishing everyone a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend.
Love to all,
moi
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Looking up
It's a been a great few weeks.
My new job starts in August. August 23rd to be exact. And the speech pathologist who works with me in my current classroom had requested to be transferred to this new site... and she'll be starting in August too! We're going to start up the new intensive-needs group there. I AM SO EXCITED!
My health had seemed to be unchanging and for awhile I was slightly worried because I was getting some terrible chest pains and my shortness of breath had increased...
but on Friday I went to my cardiologist and my pulse rate, though fast, was stable!!!
The beta blockers are working!
So now we're playing the waiting game.
Now that my arrhythmia has decreased, will my heart function increase?
We'll know in July.
Can't wait.
Oh.... and in June, we're going to Disney World!!!!!!!!!
My new job starts in August. August 23rd to be exact. And the speech pathologist who works with me in my current classroom had requested to be transferred to this new site... and she'll be starting in August too! We're going to start up the new intensive-needs group there. I AM SO EXCITED!
My health had seemed to be unchanging and for awhile I was slightly worried because I was getting some terrible chest pains and my shortness of breath had increased...
but on Friday I went to my cardiologist and my pulse rate, though fast, was stable!!!
The beta blockers are working!
So now we're playing the waiting game.
Now that my arrhythmia has decreased, will my heart function increase?
We'll know in July.
Can't wait.
Oh.... and in June, we're going to Disney World!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I GOT IT!!!
Remember the job fair I went to?
And the wonderful site I wanted to work at?
Well, I had my second interview for that specific position today and....
I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's 15 minutes from my house. Right now I'm commuting about 50 minutes each way.
I know about 40% of the staff already and my soon-to-be new boss seems really GREAT!!!
And so tomorrow I will 'break the news' to Hitler--er, I mean, my soon-to-be-former boss... and then I will proceed to do the HAPPY DANCE at my desk :)
August 23rd never sounded so good.
:) :) :) :) :)
And the wonderful site I wanted to work at?
Well, I had my second interview for that specific position today and....
I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's 15 minutes from my house. Right now I'm commuting about 50 minutes each way.
I know about 40% of the staff already and my soon-to-be new boss seems really GREAT!!!
And so tomorrow I will 'break the news' to Hitler--er, I mean, my soon-to-be-former boss... and then I will proceed to do the HAPPY DANCE at my desk :)
August 23rd never sounded so good.
:) :) :) :) :)
Sunday, May 09, 2010
This Mother's Day morning was spent at Sugarloaf Mountain with my two wonderful children and my wonderful husband.
It was chilly, but perfect.
Afterwards, we went home and turned into energizer bunnies trying to get ready for the evenings' dinner with the moms.
I think it turned out well.
We'll see, I guess LOL The day is not over!!! LOL
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Mother's Day stress
Mother's Day is supposed to be a day of remembering and being thankful for moms. It should be relaxing.
But here I am, the evening before Mother's Day, feeling as if my chest is about to explode.
Why, you ask?
Because I want it to be perfect; but at the same time I don't want us to start the summer financially tight (being a teacher, the summers can be very tight).
Last Mother's Day was a treat. Josh and the kids took me to my favorite art museum in DC, and then we took our moms to Normandie Farms...which was beyond overpriced, but nice.
We can't top that. Not this year.
But when it was suggested that we do something low-key... like just visiting each mother and giving them their present... I knew it wouldn't fly. I knew it.
Even if it meant spending some special quality time with each mother and sharing a cake or something like that (hell, I would be fine with that).
I knew it wouldn't fly.
I was right.
Of course my mother-in-law was fine with it. Or so she said at least. My mother sounded disappointed, but didn't say anything.
Nope. My father called. Of course. And told me exactly what he thought about it.
"Just one day a year to THANK her for ALL SHE DOES and you plan WHAT???"
Thanks for understanding, Dad. Really, like I don't feel like shit as it is, thank you.
So now we are doing a barbecue at our house, and I need to play hostess and we need to buy pink napkins and pink plates and get flowers and clean the house and we need to figure out a menu and then a dessert... and should there be music in the background or not? We need to go to the grocery store and make everything perfect.
Because it's one day out of the year to PROVE YOUR WORTH, right? Every other day of saying "Thank you" and "I love you" and "You're awesome, you know that?" that all means shit obviously because Hallmark says so.
It has to be THIS ONE DAY and it has to be SOOOOO SPECIAL because if not, then you are an ungrateful shit.
Thanks, commercialism, you rock. Thank you so much for adding more stress to our daily life. I couldn't have survived without you.
So here I am just trying to breath and wondering if this is what a heart attack feels like because I keep blacking out, and wondering how can I make tomorrow BE SPECIAL. Because obviously going to their house and saying it and giving them a present and a hug and a kiss and telling him how special they are... well, it means nothing without the bling.
And of course I'm sure I'll hear about the present too. "What, no jewelry?"
Thankfully, it's only once a year.
But here I am, the evening before Mother's Day, feeling as if my chest is about to explode.
Why, you ask?
Because I want it to be perfect; but at the same time I don't want us to start the summer financially tight (being a teacher, the summers can be very tight).
Last Mother's Day was a treat. Josh and the kids took me to my favorite art museum in DC, and then we took our moms to Normandie Farms...which was beyond overpriced, but nice.
We can't top that. Not this year.
But when it was suggested that we do something low-key... like just visiting each mother and giving them their present... I knew it wouldn't fly. I knew it.
Even if it meant spending some special quality time with each mother and sharing a cake or something like that (hell, I would be fine with that).
I knew it wouldn't fly.
I was right.
Of course my mother-in-law was fine with it. Or so she said at least. My mother sounded disappointed, but didn't say anything.
Nope. My father called. Of course. And told me exactly what he thought about it.
"Just one day a year to THANK her for ALL SHE DOES and you plan WHAT???"
Thanks for understanding, Dad. Really, like I don't feel like shit as it is, thank you.
So now we are doing a barbecue at our house, and I need to play hostess and we need to buy pink napkins and pink plates and get flowers and clean the house and we need to figure out a menu and then a dessert... and should there be music in the background or not? We need to go to the grocery store and make everything perfect.
Because it's one day out of the year to PROVE YOUR WORTH, right? Every other day of saying "Thank you" and "I love you" and "You're awesome, you know that?" that all means shit obviously because Hallmark says so.
It has to be THIS ONE DAY and it has to be SOOOOO SPECIAL because if not, then you are an ungrateful shit.
Thanks, commercialism, you rock. Thank you so much for adding more stress to our daily life. I couldn't have survived without you.
So here I am just trying to breath and wondering if this is what a heart attack feels like because I keep blacking out, and wondering how can I make tomorrow BE SPECIAL. Because obviously going to their house and saying it and giving them a present and a hug and a kiss and telling him how special they are... well, it means nothing without the bling.
And of course I'm sure I'll hear about the present too. "What, no jewelry?"
Thankfully, it's only once a year.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
The napping house
It's quiet today.
Josh and Julius are at Camden Yards in Baltimore. Julius and his T-Ball team will be part of the parade before the baseball game this afternoon. He's so excited!
I wish I could be there as well, but I haven't been able to deal with the heat... and it's HOT!!! It's too hot to breathe and well, heat and a heart condition don't really mix.
And I know my cardiologist is still grasping/holding to the idea that this cardiomyopathy is postpartum...but really, I'm pretty sure (after reading up on it) that I would be dead by now if that were the case.
I'm leaning towards "I caught a virus and it attacked my heart." So either I recover, or I don't. We'll know in six months.
So right now the house is quiet. Isabella is taking a nap, and I'm sitting beside her on the computer typing away... I could probably clean the house, but why bother?
It'll just get messy again. LOL
I can't wait for summer vacation. I think we're going to go to Disney World. Surprisingly, it's less expensive than Toronto, and I think the kids will have a lot more fun anyways.
Maybe next year we'll do Toronto. That way, both kids will be older and we could relax more and be a 'tourist' with ease :)
Josh and Julius are at Camden Yards in Baltimore. Julius and his T-Ball team will be part of the parade before the baseball game this afternoon. He's so excited!
I wish I could be there as well, but I haven't been able to deal with the heat... and it's HOT!!! It's too hot to breathe and well, heat and a heart condition don't really mix.
And I know my cardiologist is still grasping/holding to the idea that this cardiomyopathy is postpartum...but really, I'm pretty sure (after reading up on it) that I would be dead by now if that were the case.
I'm leaning towards "I caught a virus and it attacked my heart." So either I recover, or I don't. We'll know in six months.
So right now the house is quiet. Isabella is taking a nap, and I'm sitting beside her on the computer typing away... I could probably clean the house, but why bother?
It'll just get messy again. LOL
I can't wait for summer vacation. I think we're going to go to Disney World. Surprisingly, it's less expensive than Toronto, and I think the kids will have a lot more fun anyways.
Maybe next year we'll do Toronto. That way, both kids will be older and we could relax more and be a 'tourist' with ease :)
Friday, April 30, 2010
I'm such a planner. I love to plan events. I had an entire day-by-day itinerary planned for Toronto... but now after some consideration, we're thinking about changing our summer vacation plan to... GOING BACK TO DISNEY WORLD!!!
Hmmm.... Toronto or Disney World? Toronto or Disney World? Decisions, decisions!!!!
But it's a fun decision to have to make!
Hmmm.... Toronto or Disney World? Toronto or Disney World? Decisions, decisions!!!!
But it's a fun decision to have to make!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
We're going to Toronto this summer. I am so excited! I've never been to Toronto. The only places in Canada I've been to are Montreal and Mont Tremblant. I love both, so I am incredibly excited to visit a new place!
Of course, we are going to visit the Hockey Hall of Fame. And I want to visit the Toronto Zoo... and at least a few of the many art galleries there. I AM SO PSYCHED!!
Oh, and I booked Julius' party at Bounce U . Thankfully I haven't bought the theme-related plates, cups, decor yet because as of today Julius has decided that instead of Indiana Jones, he'd like an Iron Man theme.
I'm going to wait a few more weeks before buying anything: just in case he changes his mind, again.
Of course, we are going to visit the Hockey Hall of Fame. And I want to visit the Toronto Zoo... and at least a few of the many art galleries there. I AM SO PSYCHED!!
Oh, and I booked Julius' party at Bounce U . Thankfully I haven't bought the theme-related plates, cups, decor yet because as of today Julius has decided that instead of Indiana Jones, he'd like an Iron Man theme.
I'm going to wait a few more weeks before buying anything: just in case he changes his mind, again.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
what came first...
I wish I had one of those long, Victorian-type sofas... I can just imagine myself lying across one right now. One arm draped over my eyes, the other grazing lazily near the floor... if I smoked, my fingers would be curled around a cigarette. But I don't smoke, so maybe my hand is empty, but my fingers are still slightly curled inward against my palm.
Why? You ask.
Because I'm being pensive: pondering passing thoughts....
I'm getting a bit tired answering the same question hour upon hour by meaningful loved ones, including, "How are you feeling?"
It's a bit of a pain in the ass.
And I don't want to sound ungrateful, because really I'm not... but it gets old pretty fast. LOL Perhaps I should just wear a T-shirt that states "Please refer all questions to my blog."
After the angiogram, my cardiologist stated that maybe the cardiomyopathy was a condition from my hypothyroidism. Originally he had thought that perhaps it was postpartum, but maybe it was related to my thyroid. But who knew what came first, and what started what... it was all a mystery.
So today I called my cardiologist and posed a question to him.
I asked him, "What if I never had hypothyroidism? What if I really had cardiomyopathy and was misdiagnosed with a thyroid problem? Then what?"
Well.
Taking a thyroid medication when it is not needed can cause cardiac arrhythmia.
Really..? Well, I have cardiac arrythmia.
And taking too much thyroid medication, when you only need a smaller dosage can also cause cardiac arrythmia.
Curiouser and curiouser
So I inform him that, three years ago, when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, the thyroid level was actually right on the border. But the doctor felt that some people were more sensitive than others, and therefore, since I showed all the symptoms (extreme fatigue, always cold, etc.) that I was one of those sensitive people.
So I was put on Synthroid.
Three years later, I have cardiac arrythmia. Two weeks after that diagnosis, I'm told I have cardiomyopathy. What came first?
Now do you see my visual of the Victorian-style sofa?
So what was it? What happened?
Was it thyroid? Or did I have postpartum cardiomyopathy those 3 years ago and instead of treating it, was given Synthroid which masked my symptoms, but then made them worse.
Or did I have hypothyroidism, but was given a too high dose?
Or did I have hypothyroidism, and the thyroid medication (Synthroid) is at a perfect dose and this cardiomyopathy occurred from something else. Perhaps postpartum from my last pregnancy?
What came first? Thyroid? Arrhythmia? Cardiomyopathy?
It's all a mystery (cue 'music' now) *smirk*
Why? You ask.
Because I'm being pensive: pondering passing thoughts....
I'm getting a bit tired answering the same question hour upon hour by meaningful loved ones, including, "How are you feeling?"
It's a bit of a pain in the ass.
And I don't want to sound ungrateful, because really I'm not... but it gets old pretty fast. LOL Perhaps I should just wear a T-shirt that states "Please refer all questions to my blog."
After the angiogram, my cardiologist stated that maybe the cardiomyopathy was a condition from my hypothyroidism. Originally he had thought that perhaps it was postpartum, but maybe it was related to my thyroid. But who knew what came first, and what started what... it was all a mystery.
So today I called my cardiologist and posed a question to him.
I asked him, "What if I never had hypothyroidism? What if I really had cardiomyopathy and was misdiagnosed with a thyroid problem? Then what?"
Well.
Taking a thyroid medication when it is not needed can cause cardiac arrhythmia.
Really..? Well, I have cardiac arrythmia.
And taking too much thyroid medication, when you only need a smaller dosage can also cause cardiac arrythmia.
Curiouser and curiouser
So I inform him that, three years ago, when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, the thyroid level was actually right on the border. But the doctor felt that some people were more sensitive than others, and therefore, since I showed all the symptoms (extreme fatigue, always cold, etc.) that I was one of those sensitive people.
So I was put on Synthroid.
Three years later, I have cardiac arrythmia. Two weeks after that diagnosis, I'm told I have cardiomyopathy. What came first?
Now do you see my visual of the Victorian-style sofa?
So what was it? What happened?
Was it thyroid? Or did I have postpartum cardiomyopathy those 3 years ago and instead of treating it, was given Synthroid which masked my symptoms, but then made them worse.
Or did I have hypothyroidism, but was given a too high dose?
Or did I have hypothyroidism, and the thyroid medication (Synthroid) is at a perfect dose and this cardiomyopathy occurred from something else. Perhaps postpartum from my last pregnancy?
What came first? Thyroid? Arrhythmia? Cardiomyopathy?
It's all a mystery (cue 'music' now) *smirk*
Friday, April 23, 2010
Good news!
Not only is the scar from the angiogram so tiny that I will still be able to wear a bikini this summer, but the doctor did not find any permanent damage to my heart. Everything looked great ("pristine," actually).
So now he is thinking that the arrhythmia caused the cardiomyopathy, and not the other way around: which is terrific news.
He's increased my dosage of beta-blockers and we'll see if that will decrease my arrhythmia enough to increase my heart function. The prognosis looks good *smile*
So now he is thinking that the arrhythmia caused the cardiomyopathy, and not the other way around: which is terrific news.
He's increased my dosage of beta-blockers and we'll see if that will decrease my arrhythmia enough to increase my heart function. The prognosis looks good *smile*
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Manana
The job fair was FABULOUS. I think I was pretty awesome. *snicker* Hope the coordinators felt the same. I still need to interview for two other sites. If I am able to transfer, that would be GREAT... but if not, well that's okay to. I mean, I can not stand my boss, but there are worse things in life... such as not having a job and having to pay a mortgage and raise two kids.
So whatever happens, happens.
Tomorrow is the "big day." Poor Josh is beside himself. We went shopping today because we desperately needed a new vacuum. You have no idea how much better I felt after purchasing that little Dirt Devil LOL
The kids fell asleep on the drive home, so I'm not sure WHEN we will actually be able to vacuum the carpets (my children are light sleepers, like their mother).
Prior to shopping however, Josh surprised me by taking us out to the Cheesecake Factory. I ate so much!! We didn't even have room for dessert, which is a shame... they have such delicious cakes. My favorite used to be Dulce de Leche. But now I find it much too sweet. I think I prefer something with a white chocolate base... maybe white chocolate with raspberries... YUM.
Did you know that the average raspberry weighs about 4 grams? That's the same a teaspoon of sugar, but much healthier. How do I know this? Because I am full of useless facts.
I'll write more later!
Monday, April 19, 2010
C'est la vie
The week of... of what? It's certainly a short week since I'll be going in for my angiogram on Wednesday. Still not nervous or anxious about it. For some reason though, there are a lot of people who are concerned... which slightly irritates me. Yes, I know, I'm loved, blah blah blah... it still bothers me. I like attention, but not this kind of attention.
I've always been a "go with the flow" type of person, and this doesn't change anything. I am still me.
I mean, hell, I think I went through worse having to:
walk around and raise an active preschooler and work full time with a PICC line attached to my arm and nonstop vomiting for the first six month of pregnancy with Isabella.
If I can survive Hyperemesis gravidarum through TWO pregnancies, I think I can deal with a heart condition, thank you very much.
So I'm going to a job fair tomorrow! Very exciting. It would be wonderful to transfer to a site closer to home. The 50 minute commute is quite a pain in the ass.
And I've decided I'm going to make sure I have a lot more fun in life. Josh is simply too stressed. This summer, I am taking that man clubbing... and I plan on getting him extremely drunk and goofy. True, he isn't the world's best dancer in a club scene, but I think given the right amount of alcohol he'll be just fine :)
Also, I'm going to go back to modeling. I've always had fun with that and just stopped once I had kids. What was up with that? I'm so happy to have reconnected with an amazing photographer and good friend, KMann
The photo above is by him, as well as the small cropped picture from my previous post. Hope to have some more fun this summer with his creativity.
Speaking of summer... what to do! where to go! The beach? Canada? Maybe back to Walt Disney World? Decisions, decisions....
Hmmm, but first things first: what to wear for tomorrow's job fair!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Ready to enjoy the weekend
Wish I had a working camera... had a great Friday evening with my in-laws (Mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law and her adorable little boy!!), husband and my two darling lovebugs... and now I am ready for the weekend.
The beta blockers haven't made me sick, which is a reason in itself to celebrate. I'm going for my Angiogram next week. Not too worried about it. All I'm concerned with is how they are going to stick that IV in me (it's so hard to find my veins... I always end up so bruised: ouch) and how sore will I be afterwards... and nursing Bells. That's in my mind too. I need to pump enough milk to last 24-48 hours. I'm going to feel like a cow on a dairy farm. LOL
Work is going well. I think that the rumor mill finally hit my boss (that I want to transfer out) and suddenly she's actually treating me like a human being. Not sure what that means exactly, but I certainly don't trust her or her crocodile smile!
..........
Thinking about the summer. Maybe getting a new style for the season... hair cut, new color... hmmm... I definitely want to try a more carefree look. Not sure how/what... but I'm waiting to be inspired.
And I want a camera. That is on my LIST OF THINGS I NEED. I have two lists: a short list of things I need/want this year, such as a new camera. And my bucket list of 30 things I plan to do in my life. That list isn't completed yet. My friend Ian convinced me to write it about a year ago. He wrote his Top 40 when he turned forty. So since I was thirty, I made mine "30." Funny how I feel so satisfied already, but there are about 10 things on my bucket list so far. I figure I have time to add to it.
And I still need a THEME for this blog. I attempted making a new blog on wordpress with an alias and all that... I named it Virtues. But I wasn't happy with it. So I'm back to the starting line.
One day it'll hit me. Again, I just have to sit back and wait to be inspired!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Risky Beads
Risky Beads is having a "spring pendant giveway"!
For those interested, click here Risky Beads
Awesome jewelry, check it out :)
For those interested, click here Risky Beads
Awesome jewelry, check it out :)
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Monday, April 05, 2010
It's been a weird 2 weeks.
Okay, "weird" may not be the right word... but I'm using it anyways.
I had thought that I was becoming asthmatic. I was constantly becoming short of breath and I had these chest pains that would come and go... and these "jolts," which I thought were stress-induced because of work.
Well instead, I was told I had an arrhythmia. So I thought, "okay, no problem, let's check it out," and I went to the cardiologist a week later who confirmed that I had premature atrial contractions (PAC). Neither one of us seemed that concerned. He had me wear a 24-hr holter, had some bloodwork done, and then scheduled me for an echocardiogram.
5 days later, bloodwork came back normal. 24-holter showed significant arrhythmias. The echocardiogram however... well, that showed a reduction of function.
Turns out that my Ejection Fraction (ejection fraction [Ef] is the fraction of blood pumped out of ventricles with each heart beat) is functioning at 35%
Yeah, weird, right?
So along with PAC, I'm now being told I have cardiomyopathy.
Fun times, isn't it?
But I'm not upset, depressed, scared or anything like that. Maybe it's because I'm a mom? I just don't have the time or patience to deal with those feelings.
I've always been a do-er, and I've always been one that 'goes with the flow,' so I'm not going to change my way of thinking because of a label.
So... all I can really say is that the last couple of weeks have been weird. It's been a very weird spring break.
On a more chipper note, the kids are doing great! They had a great Passover and a great Easter.
Okay, "weird" may not be the right word... but I'm using it anyways.
I had thought that I was becoming asthmatic. I was constantly becoming short of breath and I had these chest pains that would come and go... and these "jolts," which I thought were stress-induced because of work.
Well instead, I was told I had an arrhythmia. So I thought, "okay, no problem, let's check it out," and I went to the cardiologist a week later who confirmed that I had premature atrial contractions (PAC). Neither one of us seemed that concerned. He had me wear a 24-hr holter, had some bloodwork done, and then scheduled me for an echocardiogram.
5 days later, bloodwork came back normal. 24-holter showed significant arrhythmias. The echocardiogram however... well, that showed a reduction of function.
Turns out that my Ejection Fraction (ejection fraction [Ef] is the fraction of blood pumped out of ventricles with each heart beat) is functioning at 35%
Yeah, weird, right?
So along with PAC, I'm now being told I have cardiomyopathy.
Fun times, isn't it?
But I'm not upset, depressed, scared or anything like that. Maybe it's because I'm a mom? I just don't have the time or patience to deal with those feelings.
I've always been a do-er, and I've always been one that 'goes with the flow,' so I'm not going to change my way of thinking because of a label.
So... all I can really say is that the last couple of weeks have been weird. It's been a very weird spring break.
On a more chipper note, the kids are doing great! They had a great Passover and a great Easter.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Feb 2010
I can't believe it's been so many months since I last posted anything on this blog. It's so strange because I love to write, so one would think this blog would have something on it daily.
Happy belated new years, Everyone.
We've had a lot of snow, but I'm not going to go into a rant about how annoying it is to try to get your car into and out of snowy/icy parking spaces.
I've read some books. I actually read Jenny McCarthy's book about autism and her son. It was a surprisingly good read. I was very hesitate since I heard she raves about "curing" autism. But the rumors are false. She never says that all. It was an honest book about her feelings and her experiences. I enjoyed it, plus it was a fast read which every Mommy wants when picking up a book.
Work is the same, however things are starting to look up slightly, which makes me paranoid. Does that make sense? Who knows who reads this, so I know I'm being cryptic.
The reason I'm posting is because
1. My last post was in November OF LAST YEAR.
2. I stumbled upon several wonderful and inspiring posts that made me want to roll up my sleeves and actually DO SOMETHING with mine.
But what? I like themes. Perhaps I should focus on a theme and go from there. If I ask Josh for a suggestion, I'm sure he'll say "Montreal Canadiens!!!" Um, no.
Happy belated new years, Everyone.
We've had a lot of snow, but I'm not going to go into a rant about how annoying it is to try to get your car into and out of snowy/icy parking spaces.
I've read some books. I actually read Jenny McCarthy's book about autism and her son. It was a surprisingly good read. I was very hesitate since I heard she raves about "curing" autism. But the rumors are false. She never says that all. It was an honest book about her feelings and her experiences. I enjoyed it, plus it was a fast read which every Mommy wants when picking up a book.
Work is the same, however things are starting to look up slightly, which makes me paranoid. Does that make sense? Who knows who reads this, so I know I'm being cryptic.
The reason I'm posting is because
1. My last post was in November OF LAST YEAR.
2. I stumbled upon several wonderful and inspiring posts that made me want to roll up my sleeves and actually DO SOMETHING with mine.
But what? I like themes. Perhaps I should focus on a theme and go from there. If I ask Josh for a suggestion, I'm sure he'll say "Montreal Canadiens!!!" Um, no.
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