Rainy Day Blues

It's hard coming out of a dark place. When you feel the clouds starting to finally lift, your first inclination is to get scared. You don't want to get overly excited. You know there is a chance it might not last.

And then, once you start feeling better, there's this guilt behind it. Do you deserve to feel better? Were you ever really that sad? What the hell is wrong with you? How can you be smiling now?

It's a weird and scary ride, and it hurts when someone tries to tell you all the reasons why you shouldn't be feeling the way you are feeling. Like, "oh, right, of course. Thanks for reminding me, I'll go skip & hop along now."

As I am getting older, I'm noticing my moments of sadness becoming closer together. I used to think it was just seasonal, but now I don't really know. I ended up installing an app on my phone: Daylio. It's supposed to help me track my moods better so I can figure out what my triggers are. Maybe it's seasons. Maybe it's hormonal. Maybe it's just that people suck and drain the life out of me LOL I definitely have felt more of these dark periods since Trump took office, so go figure.