I am mine

At 39-years old, I've been to exactly three funerals. The first funeral belonged to my husband's grandfather. Josh and I had just been married for about 8-months when we received the phone call. I was barely three months pregnant and vomiting nonstop (and would continue until the day my son was born). I remember we flew to Montreal and sat together to mourn the loss of a man who touched many lives. The next few days were filled with emotional moments and I was touched to see so many people who cared for one another congregated into one area.

Two years ago I attended my second funeral. It was for a friend of mine & colleague's son who was born stillborn. It was tragic, emotional, but so beautiful to see everyone rally around this young family.

On Saturday I attended my third funeral. It was for my husband's friend. He was barely a year younger than us. Killed too soon in a car crash. It felt different. This wasn't an older man who lived a long and plentiful life. This wasn't a newborn that had no experience of life at all. This was a young man, a vibrant man. A man who had three small children. It hit me harder than I had thought.

But what I found so beautiful was the service. The predictability of routines in a church service gave me a sense of calm, and I could understand why so many people return to religion as they age. I knew the songs. I knew the scriptures. It was a comfort.

"I know I was born, and I know that I'll die. But in between is mine. I am mine." - Eddie Vedder 'I am mine' song lyrics.

No matter how many years any of us have left on this earth. It's important to make the choices that you feel strongly about. You shouldn't leave this planet with any regrets. It's so easy to say that. But it's so hard to follow, isn't it? Sometimes what you want is a difficult choice to make. Sometimes the roads you must travel are hard, and you feel the urge to take the easier route. Don't stay silent. Follow your heart, and be at peace, my friends.