I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend full of relaxation and time spent with their family & friends :)

... now it's time to get back to the grind!

weekend

It's a hot and humid weekend, but I'm happy to be home with my kids.
We've had a lot of fun: playing outside, playing inside, painting, rough-housing, running, cuddling and just relaxing...

Things haven't all been roses however. My father-in-law is still fighting hard with his own heart issues. Josh is having a tough time dealing with this. It's hard to imagine. I don't think I could imagine being in his shoes. It's hard and it's not fair, and it's life and that doesn't make it any better.

But all we can do is be positive and 'keep on swimming' through this world with the hope that it will all work out and everything will be right and okay once again, whatever that means.



And I just found out that my new neighbor is an old friend from high school! What an amazingly strange and small world we live in!

Wishing everyone a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend.

Love to all,
moi

Looking up

It's a been a great few weeks.
My new job starts in August. August 23rd to be exact. And the speech pathologist who works with me in my current classroom had requested to be transferred to this new site... and she'll be starting in August too! We're going to start up the new intensive-needs group there. I AM SO EXCITED!

My health had seemed to be unchanging and for awhile I was slightly worried because I was getting some terrible chest pains and my shortness of breath had increased...

but on Friday I went to my cardiologist and my pulse rate, though fast, was stable!!!

The beta blockers are working!

So now we're playing the waiting game.

Now that my arrhythmia has decreased, will my heart function increase?

We'll know in July.

Can't wait.

Oh.... and in June, we're going to Disney World!!!!!!!!!

I GOT IT!!!

Remember the job fair I went to?
And the wonderful site I wanted to work at?

Well, I had my second interview for that specific position today and....

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's 15 minutes from my house. Right now I'm commuting about 50 minutes each way.

I know about 40% of the staff already and my soon-to-be new boss seems really GREAT!!!

And so tomorrow I will 'break the news' to Hitler--er, I mean, my soon-to-be-former boss... and then I will proceed to do the HAPPY DANCE at my desk :)

August 23rd never sounded so good.

:) :) :) :) :)

This Mother's Day morning was spent at Sugarloaf Mountain with my two wonderful children and my wonderful husband.

It was chilly, but perfect.

Afterwards, we went home and turned into energizer bunnies trying to get ready for the evenings' dinner with the moms.

I think it turned out well.

We'll see, I guess LOL The day is not over!!! LOL

Mother's Day stress

Mother's Day is supposed to be a day of remembering and being thankful for moms. It should be relaxing.

But here I am, the evening before Mother's Day, feeling as if my chest is about to explode.

Why, you ask?

Because I want it to be perfect; but at the same time I don't want us to start the summer financially tight (being a teacher, the summers can be very tight).

Last Mother's Day was a treat. Josh and the kids took me to my favorite art museum in DC, and then we took our moms to Normandie Farms...which was beyond overpriced, but nice.

We can't top that. Not this year.

But when it was suggested that we do something low-key... like just visiting each mother and giving them their present... I knew it wouldn't fly. I knew it.

Even if it meant spending some special quality time with each mother and sharing a cake or something like that (hell, I would be fine with that).

I knew it wouldn't fly.

I was right.

Of course my mother-in-law was fine with it. Or so she said at least. My mother sounded disappointed, but didn't say anything.

Nope. My father called. Of course. And told me exactly what he thought about it.

"Just one day a year to THANK her for ALL SHE DOES and you plan WHAT???"

Thanks for understanding, Dad. Really, like I don't feel like shit as it is, thank you.

So now we are doing a barbecue at our house, and I need to play hostess and we need to buy pink napkins and pink plates and get flowers and clean the house and we need to figure out a menu and then a dessert... and should there be music in the background or not? We need to go to the grocery store and make everything perfect.

Because it's one day out of the year to PROVE YOUR WORTH, right? Every other day of saying "Thank you" and "I love you" and "You're awesome, you know that?" that all means shit obviously because Hallmark says so.

It has to be THIS ONE DAY and it has to be SOOOOO SPECIAL because if not, then you are an ungrateful shit.

Thanks, commercialism, you rock. Thank you so much for adding more stress to our daily life. I couldn't have survived without you.

So here I am just trying to breath and wondering if this is what a heart attack feels like because I keep blacking out, and wondering how can I make tomorrow BE SPECIAL. Because obviously going to their house and saying it and giving them a present and a hug and a kiss and telling him how special they are... well, it means nothing without the bling.

And of course I'm sure I'll hear about the present too. "What, no jewelry?"

Thankfully, it's only once a year.

For Evan

one of Julius' T-Ball teammates:

Flocks of Love


He is a sweet and courageous little boy.

The napping house

It's quiet today.

Josh and Julius are at Camden Yards in Baltimore. Julius and his T-Ball team will be part of the parade before the baseball game this afternoon. He's so excited!

I wish I could be there as well, but I haven't been able to deal with the heat... and it's HOT!!! It's too hot to breathe and well, heat and a heart condition don't really mix.

And I know my cardiologist is still grasping/holding to the idea that this cardiomyopathy is postpartum...but really, I'm pretty sure (after reading up on it) that I would be dead by now if that were the case.

I'm leaning towards "I caught a virus and it attacked my heart." So either I recover, or I don't. We'll know in six months.

So right now the house is quiet. Isabella is taking a nap, and I'm sitting beside her on the computer typing away... I could probably clean the house, but why bother?

It'll just get messy again. LOL

I can't wait for summer vacation. I think we're going to go to Disney World. Surprisingly, it's less expensive than Toronto, and I think the kids will have a lot more fun anyways.

Maybe next year we'll do Toronto. That way, both kids will be older and we could relax more and be a 'tourist' with ease :)

I'm such a planner. I love to plan events. I had an entire day-by-day itinerary planned for Toronto... but now after some consideration, we're thinking about changing our summer vacation plan to... GOING BACK TO DISNEY WORLD!!!

Hmmm.... Toronto or Disney World? Toronto or Disney World? Decisions, decisions!!!!

But it's a fun decision to have to make!

I Just Won 11 Swag Bucks on www.swagbucks.com

I Just Won 11 Swag Bucks on www.swagbucks.com

TEAM ATOMS (MYHA 2009-2010).mpg

Julius is #72.

We're going to Toronto this summer. I am so excited! I've never been to Toronto. The only places in Canada I've been to are Montreal and Mont Tremblant. I love both, so I am incredibly excited to visit a new place!

Of course, we are going to visit the Hockey Hall of Fame. And I want to visit the Toronto Zoo... and at least a few of the many art galleries there. I AM SO PSYCHED!!

Oh, and I booked Julius' party at Bounce U . Thankfully I haven't bought the theme-related plates, cups, decor yet because as of today Julius has decided that instead of Indiana Jones, he'd like an Iron Man theme.

I'm going to wait a few more weeks before buying anything: just in case he changes his mind, again.

what came first...

I wish I had one of those long, Victorian-type sofas... I can just imagine myself lying across one right now. One arm draped over my eyes, the other grazing lazily near the floor... if I smoked, my fingers would be curled around a cigarette. But I don't smoke, so maybe my hand is empty, but my fingers are still slightly curled inward against my palm.

Why? You ask.

Because I'm being pensive: pondering passing thoughts....

I'm getting a bit tired answering the same question hour upon hour by meaningful loved ones, including, "How are you feeling?"

It's a bit of a pain in the ass.

And I don't want to sound ungrateful, because really I'm not... but it gets old pretty fast. LOL Perhaps I should just wear a T-shirt that states "Please refer all questions to my blog."

After the angiogram, my cardiologist stated that maybe the cardiomyopathy was a condition from my hypothyroidism. Originally he had thought that perhaps it was postpartum, but maybe it was related to my thyroid. But who knew what came first, and what started what... it was all a mystery.

So today I called my cardiologist and posed a question to him.

I asked him, "What if I never had hypothyroidism? What if I really had cardiomyopathy and was misdiagnosed with a thyroid problem? Then what?"

Well.

Taking a thyroid medication when it is not needed can cause cardiac arrhythmia.

Really..? Well, I have cardiac arrythmia.

And taking too much thyroid medication, when you only need a smaller dosage can also cause cardiac arrythmia.

Curiouser and curiouser

So I inform him that, three years ago, when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, the thyroid level was actually right on the border. But the doctor felt that some people were more sensitive than others, and therefore, since I showed all the symptoms (extreme fatigue, always cold, etc.) that I was one of those sensitive people.

So I was put on Synthroid.

Three years later, I have cardiac arrythmia. Two weeks after that diagnosis, I'm told I have cardiomyopathy. What came first?

Now do you see my visual of the Victorian-style sofa?

So what was it? What happened?

Was it thyroid? Or did I have postpartum cardiomyopathy those 3 years ago and instead of treating it, was given Synthroid which masked my symptoms, but then made them worse.

Or did I have hypothyroidism, but was given a too high dose?

Or did I have hypothyroidism, and the thyroid medication (Synthroid) is at a perfect dose and this cardiomyopathy occurred from something else. Perhaps postpartum from my last pregnancy?

What came first? Thyroid? Arrhythmia? Cardiomyopathy?

It's all a mystery (cue 'music' now) *smirk*

Good news!

Not only is the scar from the angiogram so tiny that I will still be able to wear a bikini this summer, but the doctor did not find any permanent damage to my heart. Everything looked great ("pristine," actually).

So now he is thinking that the arrhythmia caused the cardiomyopathy, and not the other way around: which is terrific news.

He's increased my dosage of beta-blockers and we'll see if that will decrease my arrhythmia enough to increase my heart function. The prognosis looks good *smile*

Manana

The job fair was FABULOUS. I think I was pretty awesome. *snicker* Hope the coordinators felt the same. I still need to interview for two other sites. If I am able to transfer, that would be GREAT... but if not, well that's okay to. I mean, I can not stand my boss, but there are worse things in life... such as not having a job and having to pay a mortgage and raise two kids.
So whatever happens, happens.

Tomorrow is the "big day." Poor Josh is beside himself. We went shopping today because we desperately needed a new vacuum. You have no idea how much better I felt after purchasing that little Dirt Devil LOL

The kids fell asleep on the drive home, so I'm not sure WHEN we will actually be able to vacuum the carpets (my children are light sleepers, like their mother).

Prior to shopping however, Josh surprised me by taking us out to the Cheesecake Factory. I ate so much!! We didn't even have room for dessert, which is a shame... they have such delicious cakes. My favorite used to be Dulce de Leche. But now I find it much too sweet. I think I prefer something with a white chocolate base... maybe white chocolate with raspberries... YUM.

Did you know that the average raspberry weighs about 4 grams? That's the same a teaspoon of sugar, but much healthier. How do I know this? Because I am full of useless facts.

I'll write more later!

C'est la vie

The week of... of what? It's certainly a short week since I'll be going in for my angiogram on Wednesday. Still not nervous or anxious about it. For some reason though, there are a lot of people who are concerned... which slightly irritates me. Yes, I know, I'm loved, blah blah blah... it still bothers me. I like attention, but not this kind of attention.

I've always been a "go with the flow" type of person, and this doesn't change anything. I am still me.

I mean, hell, I think I went through worse having to:
walk around and raise an active preschooler and work full time with a PICC line attached to my arm and nonstop vomiting for the first six month of pregnancy with Isabella.
If I can survive Hyperemesis gravidarum through TWO pregnancies, I think I can deal with a heart condition, thank you very much.

So I'm going to a job fair tomorrow! Very exciting. It would be wonderful to transfer to a site closer to home. The 50 minute commute is quite a pain in the ass.

And I've decided I'm going to make sure I have a lot more fun in life. Josh is simply too stressed. This summer, I am taking that man clubbing... and I plan on getting him extremely drunk and goofy. True, he isn't the world's best dancer in a club scene, but I think given the right amount of alcohol he'll be just fine :)

Also, I'm going to go back to modeling. I've always had fun with that and just stopped once I had kids. What was up with that? I'm so happy to have reconnected with an amazing photographer and good friend, KMann

The photo above is by him, as well as the small cropped picture from my previous post. Hope to have some more fun this summer with his creativity.

Speaking of summer... what to do! where to go! The beach? Canada? Maybe back to Walt Disney World? Decisions, decisions....

Hmmm, but first things first: what to wear for tomorrow's job fair!

Ready to enjoy the weekend

Wish I had a working camera... had a great Friday evening with my in-laws (Mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law and her adorable little boy!!), husband and my two darling lovebugs... and now I am ready for the weekend.

The beta blockers haven't made me sick, which is a reason in itself to celebrate. I'm going for my Angiogram next week. Not too worried about it. All I'm concerned with is how they are going to stick that IV in me (it's so hard to find my veins... I always end up so bruised: ouch) and how sore will I be afterwards... and nursing Bells. That's in my mind too. I need to pump enough milk to last 24-48 hours. I'm going to feel like a cow on a dairy farm. LOL

Work is going well. I think that the rumor mill finally hit my boss (that I want to transfer out) and suddenly she's actually treating me like a human being. Not sure what that means exactly, but I certainly don't trust her or her crocodile smile!

..........

Thinking about the summer. Maybe getting a new style for the season... hair cut, new color... hmmm... I definitely want to try a more carefree look. Not sure how/what... but I'm waiting to be inspired.

And I want a camera. That is on my LIST OF THINGS I NEED. I have two lists: a short list of things I need/want this year, such as a new camera. And my bucket list of 30 things I plan to do in my life. That list isn't completed yet. My friend Ian convinced me to write it about a year ago. He wrote his Top 40 when he turned forty. So since I was thirty, I made mine "30." Funny how I feel so satisfied already, but there are about 10 things on my bucket list so far. I figure I have time to add to it.

And I still need a THEME for this blog. I attempted making a new blog on wordpress with an alias and all that... I named it Virtues. But I wasn't happy with it. So I'm back to the starting line.

One day it'll hit me. Again, I just have to sit back and wait to be inspired!

Risky Beads

Risky Beads is having a "spring pendant giveway"!

For those interested, click here Risky Beads

Awesome jewelry, check it out :)

misc pictures of my kids

It's been a weird 2 weeks.
Okay, "weird" may not be the right word... but I'm using it anyways.

I had thought that I was becoming asthmatic. I was constantly becoming short of breath and I had these chest pains that would come and go... and these "jolts," which I thought were stress-induced because of work.

Well instead, I was told I had an arrhythmia. So I thought, "okay, no problem, let's check it out," and I went to the cardiologist a week later who confirmed that I had premature atrial contractions (PAC). Neither one of us seemed that concerned. He had me wear a 24-hr holter, had some bloodwork done, and then scheduled me for an echocardiogram.

5 days later, bloodwork came back normal. 24-holter showed significant arrhythmias. The echocardiogram however... well, that showed a reduction of function.

Turns out that my Ejection Fraction (ejection fraction [Ef] is the fraction of blood pumped out of ventricles with each heart beat) is functioning at 35%

Yeah, weird, right?

So along with PAC, I'm now being told I have cardiomyopathy.

Fun times, isn't it?

But I'm not upset, depressed, scared or anything like that. Maybe it's because I'm a mom? I just don't have the time or patience to deal with those feelings.

I've always been a do-er, and I've always been one that 'goes with the flow,' so I'm not going to change my way of thinking because of a label.

So... all I can really say is that the last couple of weeks have been weird. It's been a very weird spring break.

On a more chipper note, the kids are doing great! They had a great Passover and a great Easter.