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I had told myself that this time it would be different. I wasn't a first-time mom anymore. I had experience, I would be calm. I wouldn't feel helpless and rely on others for advice...

Even when I was diagnosed with hyperemesis, I refused to let it get to me. Even when I was put on an IV for five months, I refused to be brought down. I was calm, I did my best to smile and always look on the bright side... when I went into labor, I was calm and filled with humor.

And when Isabella was born, everything was great. She was always happy. I can easily read her cues... everything was great.

And then yesterday I felt like a first time mom again.

Yesterday she had her first vaccinations. DTap, Hib, PCV, IPV and the Rotavirus vaccine.

It seemed like a lot. I knew the Rotavirus one was new. Julius never had that one.
I knew he had the others, but did he have all of them at 2 months?

She was going to have two shots and the oral vaccination (Rotavirus). I researched it, everything seemed fine. I was going in as an educated second-time parent. No worries.

First Isabella was given the oral vaccination. She made a face (it obviously tasted gross), started coughing, but kept it down. She seemed fine.

Then she had the shots. Again, her response was minimal. She cried out for a second and then stopped. When I picked her up, she smiled. Everything was fine. I was happy, she seemed happy...and I knew the Tylenol was kicking in so I put her in her carseat and drove home. She went right to sleep on the ride home.

When we got home, I put her in her crib and began to do some chores. I was so proud of how I handled the morning (when Julius had his first set of shots, I was a crying mess and kept vigil by his side for probably the entire day and the next).

Then at noon she woke up. She woke up crying. Isabella never wakes up crying.

I thought she was just really hungry, so I picked her up and attempted to nurse her.

She arched her back, she screamed louder. Her little face was bright red. I kept my cool. I tried again. It was as if she didn't know I was holding her. She kept crying and screaming, her whole body stiff. I tried burping her, rocking her, nursing her on the other side...she stopped briefly to latch on, and within seconds started wailing the most painful cry I had ever heard from her.

I was beginning to get that feeling. That sinking, helpless feeling where the room was feeling hot and I remembered once when I was walking at the Rio Center and there was a woman holding a newborn and she was near tears because this was her first time venturing out with her son and he was fussing and she had this look... this deer in the headlights look... this look of fearful unknown, of "is this okay? is this normal? what am I doing wrong???"

And that was me at that moment. Was this okay? Was this normal? What was I doing wrong?

I rocked her, I walked with her, I sang to her, I changed her, I tried nursing her, I put her down, I held her, I put her on her vibrating chair... nothing was working.

Suddenly it was two o'clock and it was time for her Tylenol. I gave it to her and called the doctor. They told me to wait for the Tylenol to take effect and to take her temp.

No temp. Still screaming.

They suggested a bath.

The bath helped for about 4 minutes. Four beautiful minutes. And then she began crying again.

I walked her, I tried nursing (still not nursing at this point), I rocked her, I changed her, I sang to her, I danced with her...

3:30 I call the doctor again and he's in with a patient, so I put her in the car (it's raining now) and we drive to his office.

They call 5 minutes later. Try Motrin and gas drops. So I drive back home and give her Motrin and gas drops as she screams and screams...

At 4:30, she falls asleep.

I'm a shaking mess.

She sleeps for an hour and then wakes up with this lost look in her eyes. She isn't crying, but she isn't my little Isabella. She's like a zombie. I feel like crying.

She's listless and fussy and finally nurses around six. And then she makes eye contact. FINALLY she makes eye contact and I know she's going to be okay.

That night is rough. Her stomach is bothering her and she ends up lying all night in our bed as I rub circles on her stomach.

She wakes her several times that night (she usually only wakes up 2-3x) crying. Crying. My little girl doesn't wake up crying. It was a rough night.

At 7:30 am, she's awake, but not smiling. She's fussy.

She smiles at 8:30 and I feel like flying.

She's still fussy and cries on/off, but it's not that ear-piercing shriek that she was making for over 4 hours yesterday.

I called the nurse. We're going to eliminate some of her vaccinations and space out the others.

Exactly 24 hours after the ordeal first began, Isabella finally looked at me, smiled and made a couple of cooing noises. She's finally back.