Collision

A friend of mine posted an article on her Facebook recently that left me frustrated. I wanted to respond, but knew it wouldn't be fair to open the discussion on her newsfeed without her permission, so I decided to instead put my thoughts into words and post it here to share with her and others who are feeling the same frustration as I am.

The article I am talking about is here: My Dad is a Right-Wing Asshole. To summarize, it is using the basic idea of "love the sinner, not the sin," which is complete bullshit in my opinion.

It's fake. Actions make a person. If you are against the actions they do, it is your right to feel how you do towards them. Whether or not your feelings are justified depends on perspective.

If a parent abuses their child, does the child really HAVE to say, "This is my parent, he/she brought me into this world, and I must love them and keep an open mind so we can talk without tensions?" No. The child has every right to feel angry, betrayed, and that tension between them is JUSTIFIED.

A person is entitled to their beliefs, and their beliefs should absolutely be respected UNTIL THEIR BELIEFS INFRINGE ON THE RIGHTS ON OTHERS. There is no compromise when people are dying. There is no compromise when someone feels that a group deserves less rights than someone else. There is no compromise when facts are tested & true, and without change people will die.

Since when was being angry such a bad thing? I am angry. I am angry that there are people in the world that think it's okay to separate children from their parents and lock them in cold cages with minimal food and medical care. I am angry that there are people in the world who feel they have a right to make decisions for someone else's body. I am angry that there are people who care more about having the largest supply of assault weapons in their basement that they can buy without a background check than those families burying their loved ones who were senselessly murdered due to gun violence. I am angry that Nazis can be categorized under "very fine people" by some racist, sexist, bigot who is currently overstaying his never-welcome in the White House.

And if someone who I love believes in the above? If someone that I love believes that it is okay to separate kids from their parents and toss them into cold cages, who think it's perfectly fine to have control over someone else's bodily autonomy, who believes their right to walk around with assault weapons is more important than children being murdered, who see nothing wrong with white supremacy, who don't believe that LGBTQA have the same rights as heterosexuals...well, that isn't open to compromise. That isn't open to sitting together, holding hands and singing kumbaya. That person, that human being, is a horrible person. That person, that human being, lacks empathy. That person, that human being, may be someone that I love or loved, but I will not "turn the other cheek." I will not sit there and smile and share in conversations about the weather when I could be doing something more productive: like calling my representatives for change, like attending protests, like donating to causes that I believe in.

No one should feel guilty for feeling anger towards someone they once looked up to. You don't need to keep toxic people into your life just because they gave you life. You didn't choose to be born into that family, and having free will gives you a choice to stay or walk away. That is your choice alone, and don't ever feel guilty with the choice you make.

In an ideal world, we could sit down and discuss our differences. And I feel that can happen. But when basic rights of other human beings are being pushed down, when the Earth is literally overheating, when there is a rise of white supremacy happening in the world as we speak...those need to be addressed first, and if someone agrees that their own race or orientation has more rights than other, when they refuse to help save the world we are all living in, when they see nothing wrong with this rise of white supremacy...THEY ARE WRONG. It's not right versus left. It's basic human rights. If we can't agree in basic human rights, then there is a problem.

Happiness

What is Happiness?

My good friend, Lolo, recommended this wonderful documentary on Netflix called "Happy." It talks about what "Happiness" really means, and how it can be measured.

Based on their research, scientists determined that a person's general level of happiness is 50% genetics, 10% circumstance, and 40% intentional activity.

What does that mean?
Basically, it means that you have control of that 40%.

What can we change in order to boost our happiness level?
Well, that lies in each one of us. It's our intentional activities that support our happiness. For many people, it's exercise. For others, it's human interactions. It varies, but it's important for each of us to find that intentional activity that supports our well-being.

So what can we do? The first step is to think about moments that make us happy, and try to see if we can repeat that activity more often. It can be something as simple as going for a walk each morning, and turning right instead of left. It could be making an effort to meet friends for coffee. What stimulates your dopamine levels? Dopamine = happy.

Appreciate what you have, and look at things in a different perspective. Sometimes what you feel is horrible, can be turned around into a positive experience. We can learn from our past, our traumas and our mistakes.

Be compassionate. Stay connected with others.

And always,
find your happy place.

The importance of You.

What is self-care?

Last night, my good friend and I spoke for awhile about self-care and compassion fatigue. Today, for our team meeting, we shared healthy treats and brought up the topic again for others to share their own experiences and how they practice taking care of themselves.

There are many ways to "self-care," including taking a walk, mindful meditation or breathing, spending time with friends, sharing a healthy snack with someone, and not eating your lunch at your office desk!

Why is this important?

Well for starters, YOU are important. You are a human being and human beings need sleep and food/water. We also need other things that many people take for granted such as time to mentally recover from stressful moments, being affectionate, and sharing in both joys and sometimes sorrow with those you love.

Taking time to take care of yourself helps not only you, but those you care about as well. You can't care for others if you are burnt out.

Another reason why self-care is important? Efficiency. You can't do anything productive if you are worn out or mentally exhausted.

My children have 2 mental health days given by me per semester during the school year. They can choose to take it at any time with no questions asked. I find it important for them to recognize when they need a day of rest. We are all so busy that sometimes we forget to look after our own selves. It's okay to take a break. We SHOULD take a break.

It's healthy to take a break.

I am planning to take more time finding ways to support my own self care: eating healthy and being more active are healthy choices that I am committed to keeping. Taking naps when I am tired and recognizing when I need a break are things I will be working on without guilt.

What are some ways you take care of yourself?

I am mine

At 39-years old, I've been to exactly three funerals. The first funeral belonged to my husband's grandfather. Josh and I had just been married for about 8-months when we received the phone call. I was barely three months pregnant and vomiting nonstop (and would continue until the day my son was born). I remember we flew to Montreal and sat together to mourn the loss of a man who touched many lives. The next few days were filled with emotional moments and I was touched to see so many people who cared for one another congregated into one area.

Two years ago I attended my second funeral. It was for a friend of mine & colleague's son who was born stillborn. It was tragic, emotional, but so beautiful to see everyone rally around this young family.

On Saturday I attended my third funeral. It was for my husband's friend. He was barely a year younger than us. Killed too soon in a car crash. It felt different. This wasn't an older man who lived a long and plentiful life. This wasn't a newborn that had no experience of life at all. This was a young man, a vibrant man. A man who had three small children. It hit me harder than I had thought.

But what I found so beautiful was the service. The predictability of routines in a church service gave me a sense of calm, and I could understand why so many people return to religion as they age. I knew the songs. I knew the scriptures. It was a comfort.

"I know I was born, and I know that I'll die. But in between is mine. I am mine." - Eddie Vedder 'I am mine' song lyrics.

No matter how many years any of us have left on this earth. It's important to make the choices that you feel strongly about. You shouldn't leave this planet with any regrets. It's so easy to say that. But it's so hard to follow, isn't it? Sometimes what you want is a difficult choice to make. Sometimes the roads you must travel are hard, and you feel the urge to take the easier route. Don't stay silent. Follow your heart, and be at peace, my friends.

Dear Daughter

My daughter is a sensitive child. She is a compassionate child with strong opinions. She is a child that sees good in others and wants to help to make the world a better place.

My daughter is a sensitive child. She cries easily. Her feelings can get hurt quickly and she takes many things personally.
My daughter is a sensitive child. She needs time to process new information and she does not like to make mistakes.
My daughter can be a dreamer. She loves to plan ahead and think of the future of when she becomes a doctor and helps children all over the world.

The world is sometimes a cold place for children like my daughter. Other children see her kindness as a weakness. They see her cry and use it as a victory as they stomp upon her innocence.

Many adults choose to ignore her pain. Those who are meant to protect my daughter will laugh it off or ignore. They will tell her to move on. My daughter cannot move on.

She cannot move on when her heart hurts and she can't speak because she feels as if her throat is pressed together too tight to even breathe.

She tells me she's dumb. She tells me she can't do it. When adults tell her she needs to try harder, to move quicker. She cries. She asks me "why can't I do it?" But my darling daughter can. It's at a slower pace, but she can. It may take a bit longer, but she will get there. I believe in her. She tells me "They don't believe in me. They think I'm dumb."

My daughter is a sensitive child and this world is not fair for children like her.

They tell me she needs thicker skin. They tell me that she'll learn to get over it. They tell me it will make her stronger in the end.

In the end.

Is that what we really want from our sensitive children? To hope they don't break? I suppose those Others assume that with enough pressure, the hardness will turn into a diamond.

Or it can shatter.

Is it worth it?