misc pictures of my kids

It's been a weird 2 weeks.
Okay, "weird" may not be the right word... but I'm using it anyways.

I had thought that I was becoming asthmatic. I was constantly becoming short of breath and I had these chest pains that would come and go... and these "jolts," which I thought were stress-induced because of work.

Well instead, I was told I had an arrhythmia. So I thought, "okay, no problem, let's check it out," and I went to the cardiologist a week later who confirmed that I had premature atrial contractions (PAC). Neither one of us seemed that concerned. He had me wear a 24-hr holter, had some bloodwork done, and then scheduled me for an echocardiogram.

5 days later, bloodwork came back normal. 24-holter showed significant arrhythmias. The echocardiogram however... well, that showed a reduction of function.

Turns out that my Ejection Fraction (ejection fraction [Ef] is the fraction of blood pumped out of ventricles with each heart beat) is functioning at 35%

Yeah, weird, right?

So along with PAC, I'm now being told I have cardiomyopathy.

Fun times, isn't it?

But I'm not upset, depressed, scared or anything like that. Maybe it's because I'm a mom? I just don't have the time or patience to deal with those feelings.

I've always been a do-er, and I've always been one that 'goes with the flow,' so I'm not going to change my way of thinking because of a label.

So... all I can really say is that the last couple of weeks have been weird. It's been a very weird spring break.

On a more chipper note, the kids are doing great! They had a great Passover and a great Easter.

Feb 2010

I can't believe it's been so many months since I last posted anything on this blog. It's so strange because I love to write, so one would think this blog would have something on it daily.

Happy belated new years, Everyone.



We've had a lot of snow, but I'm not going to go into a rant about how annoying it is to try to get your car into and out of snowy/icy parking spaces.

I've read some books. I actually read Jenny McCarthy's book about autism and her son. It was a surprisingly good read. I was very hesitate since I heard she raves about "curing" autism. But the rumors are false. She never says that all. It was an honest book about her feelings and her experiences. I enjoyed it, plus it was a fast read which every Mommy wants when picking up a book.

Work is the same, however things are starting to look up slightly, which makes me paranoid. Does that make sense? Who knows who reads this, so I know I'm being cryptic.

The reason I'm posting is because
1. My last post was in November OF LAST YEAR.
2. I stumbled upon several wonderful and inspiring posts that made me want to roll up my sleeves and actually DO SOMETHING with mine.

But what? I like themes. Perhaps I should focus on a theme and go from there. If I ask Josh for a suggestion, I'm sure he'll say "Montreal Canadiens!!!" Um, no.

why not?

Bleh

Usually I love the fall. I love watching the leaves change color. I love going on nature walks. I love the crisp air and the smell of autumn...

But instead of being excited, I've been feeling pretty bleh. Work has been difficult. I'm just not happy with the administration and all the micromanagement. And unfortunately, the stress has seeped into my home life. My weekends are spent dreading the following workweek. My evenings are spent dreading the next work day.

It's frustrating because I have always loved my job, but now with all the changes that have occurred in it has turned the enjoyment into an ugly horrible feeling that won't go away. I sometimes feel physically sick just thinking about it. I need a change.

I just need to get out of this Bleh.

Welcome to Fall

I can't believe I haven't posted since June.
I am a terrible blogger. I am, however, an obsessed Facebook junkie.
Perhaps Facebook has made me too lazy to actually write my thoughts down: thoughts that are more than just a "status update."



Things have been well. My children are growing. I'm growing too. I think I've grown a lot since summer. We've had a lot of ups and downs, and I think when things like that happen, you tend to grow. You're always learning, you're always becoming wiser and more experienced... and sometimes you need to learn these things on your own.



So, yes, we've all grown. And summer is officially over. Welcome to a new season: one that is hopefully filled with a lot of Ups.

Mr. Five Year Old

My little boy is now a big five year old!!



Can you believe it?!?

Carrots

I turned my back for a second and....








She was pretty darn proud of herself :)

May

Is it May? Really?!
Time has really flown by. It's amazing how the days seem to lag and then suddenly it's a whole other month and you realize that what you thought was lagging was just a blur of exhaustion, and now you're starting to wake up and see the sun.



This picture was taken at my favorite museum, The Hirshhorn Museum and sculpture garden. http://hirshhorn.si.edu/

Julius says that the picture behind us reminded him of when light hits a diamond. Aren't kids amazing?

Isabella is already six months old...


and Julius will b graduating from preK on Wednesday!



It's already May... the middle of May.. closer to the end and the start of June, when Julius turns five.

Am I really thirty? Am I really a mother of two wonderful children?
Oh my God, I am a grown-up. When did this happen?

Jan. 2009

I finally uploaded photos for the month of January. It's been a whirlwind of a month... the stress of going back to work, getting used to being a mom for two instead of one child, and a multitude of family illnesses, including Julius being hospitalized for a possible appendicitis (thankfully though, it was just a really bad stomach virus).

I'll be returning to work on Tuesday. I have mixed feelings about it. I think it'll be nice to be out of the house and with my peers doing something I love... but then I remember deadlines and stupid office politics and the annoying gossip....and I look at my two great kids and my heart hurts because I'm going to have to split my time even more.... and little Isabella has no idea what's about to happen. And that breaks my heart even more.



And then I get angry. Angry at the stupid system we live in. If I was in Canada, I'd have the option of taking an entire year off (instead of just 12 weeks: 6 weeks of it unpaid). The United States is supposed to be one of the greatest countries in the world... it boasts being the best, so you would think it would treat its residents with some dignity... but no, instead our maternity leave is similar to third world countries.
From Mom's Rising (http://www.momsrising.org/maternity)

* Having a baby is a leading cause of "poverty spells" in the U.S. -- when income dips below what's needed for basic living expenses.
* In the U.S., 49% of mothers cobble together paid leave following childbirth by using sick days, vacation days, disability leave, and maternity leave.
* 51% of new mothers lack any paid leave -- so some take unpaid leave, some quit, some even lose their jobs.
* The U.S is one of only 4 countries that doesn't offer paid leave to new mothers -- the others are Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, and Lesotho.
* Paid family leave has been shown to reduce infant mortality by as much as 20% (and the U.S. ranks a low 37th of all countries in infant mortality).


It disgusts me. Hopefully Obama's changes will include fixing maternity/paternity leave.

reactions

I had told myself that this time it would be different. I wasn't a first-time mom anymore. I had experience, I would be calm. I wouldn't feel helpless and rely on others for advice...

Even when I was diagnosed with hyperemesis, I refused to let it get to me. Even when I was put on an IV for five months, I refused to be brought down. I was calm, I did my best to smile and always look on the bright side... when I went into labor, I was calm and filled with humor.

And when Isabella was born, everything was great. She was always happy. I can easily read her cues... everything was great.

And then yesterday I felt like a first time mom again.

Yesterday she had her first vaccinations. DTap, Hib, PCV, IPV and the Rotavirus vaccine.

It seemed like a lot. I knew the Rotavirus one was new. Julius never had that one.
I knew he had the others, but did he have all of them at 2 months?

She was going to have two shots and the oral vaccination (Rotavirus). I researched it, everything seemed fine. I was going in as an educated second-time parent. No worries.

First Isabella was given the oral vaccination. She made a face (it obviously tasted gross), started coughing, but kept it down. She seemed fine.

Then she had the shots. Again, her response was minimal. She cried out for a second and then stopped. When I picked her up, she smiled. Everything was fine. I was happy, she seemed happy...and I knew the Tylenol was kicking in so I put her in her carseat and drove home. She went right to sleep on the ride home.

When we got home, I put her in her crib and began to do some chores. I was so proud of how I handled the morning (when Julius had his first set of shots, I was a crying mess and kept vigil by his side for probably the entire day and the next).

Then at noon she woke up. She woke up crying. Isabella never wakes up crying.

I thought she was just really hungry, so I picked her up and attempted to nurse her.

She arched her back, she screamed louder. Her little face was bright red. I kept my cool. I tried again. It was as if she didn't know I was holding her. She kept crying and screaming, her whole body stiff. I tried burping her, rocking her, nursing her on the other side...she stopped briefly to latch on, and within seconds started wailing the most painful cry I had ever heard from her.

I was beginning to get that feeling. That sinking, helpless feeling where the room was feeling hot and I remembered once when I was walking at the Rio Center and there was a woman holding a newborn and she was near tears because this was her first time venturing out with her son and he was fussing and she had this look... this deer in the headlights look... this look of fearful unknown, of "is this okay? is this normal? what am I doing wrong???"

And that was me at that moment. Was this okay? Was this normal? What was I doing wrong?

I rocked her, I walked with her, I sang to her, I changed her, I tried nursing her, I put her down, I held her, I put her on her vibrating chair... nothing was working.

Suddenly it was two o'clock and it was time for her Tylenol. I gave it to her and called the doctor. They told me to wait for the Tylenol to take effect and to take her temp.

No temp. Still screaming.

They suggested a bath.

The bath helped for about 4 minutes. Four beautiful minutes. And then she began crying again.

I walked her, I tried nursing (still not nursing at this point), I rocked her, I changed her, I sang to her, I danced with her...

3:30 I call the doctor again and he's in with a patient, so I put her in the car (it's raining now) and we drive to his office.

They call 5 minutes later. Try Motrin and gas drops. So I drive back home and give her Motrin and gas drops as she screams and screams...

At 4:30, she falls asleep.

I'm a shaking mess.

She sleeps for an hour and then wakes up with this lost look in her eyes. She isn't crying, but she isn't my little Isabella. She's like a zombie. I feel like crying.

She's listless and fussy and finally nurses around six. And then she makes eye contact. FINALLY she makes eye contact and I know she's going to be okay.

That night is rough. Her stomach is bothering her and she ends up lying all night in our bed as I rub circles on her stomach.

She wakes her several times that night (she usually only wakes up 2-3x) crying. Crying. My little girl doesn't wake up crying. It was a rough night.

At 7:30 am, she's awake, but not smiling. She's fussy.

She smiles at 8:30 and I feel like flying.

She's still fussy and cries on/off, but it's not that ear-piercing shriek that she was making for over 4 hours yesterday.

I called the nurse. We're going to eliminate some of her vaccinations and space out the others.

Exactly 24 hours after the ordeal first began, Isabella finally looked at me, smiled and made a couple of cooing noises. She's finally back.

hello again

It's been awhile. I've been having such a great time being at home without the stress of work. Of course I'm still checking my work email, getting updates from co-workers, etc., etc... but no deadlines, no rush hour traffic... it's great!

And I'm bonding with Isabella. She looks at me with this, "Hey, I know you!" look and smiles so big... it just lights me up.



Julius adores her. He's so happy to have a sister. He gives her hugs, and when he's sad he'll actually talk to her and it helps him so much: he smiles as he looks at her, and when he's done, he pulls her into a hug and and starts to laugh. It's just so beautiful to watch.

I feel so complete in my life. Just the four of us. It fits.

welcome, Isabella!

Isabella was born on November 2, 2008
at 5:29 pm
weighing 7 lbs and 1.6 ounces
and measuring at 20.25 inches in length

countdown

I had my baby shower yesterday. It was a lot of fun. It's nice to get together with family and friends and just relax, eat, chat.... I think we all had a good time.

I feel very fortunate to have such generous people in my life. I was given a lot of nice items to help with the new arrival (which really helped since I donated most of Julius' old baby stuff to Hurricane Katrina!)



I can't believe that in a few weeks I'll be a mommy to two little darlings instead of one little darling!

one of my fav songs/videos

I found it on youtube... I've always loved this song and video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elVMHKb8A4A

Placebo: special needs

ten more weeks to go

Hopefully more like 7 or 8 weeks to go.... lol Julius was born at 37 weeks, so I'm hoping Isabella will be born around 37-38 weeks as well.

I'm just really, really tired of being pregnant. The nausea has come back, but thankfully I'm not puking. I'm always so tired and sore...everything hurts. It's so annoying. I feel like a walrus, I walk like a penguin and I'm so moody....

Some people enjoy being pregnant. I'm not one of those people.

In other news, Julius started preschool last weeek. My little boy is growing up! LOL He goes every morning (M-F)... can you believe it? It's started already. School every weekday for many more years to come.... Poor kid. LOL But I'm glad he's enjoying it. His preschool teacher is awesome. She's just so happy and I feel that's so important. She really seems to enjoy her job.

Palin: wrong woman, wrong message (taken from the LA Times)

http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/opinion/la-oe-steinem4-2008sep04,0,1290251.story

By Gloria Steinem
September 4, 2008
Here's the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that even the anti-feminist right wing -- the folks with a headlock on the Republican Party -- are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vice president. We owe this to women -- and to many men too -- who have picketed, gone on hunger strikes or confronted violence at the polls so women can vote. We owe it to Shirley Chisholm, who first took the "white-male-only" sign off the White House, and to Hillary Rodham Clinton, who hung in there through ridicule and misogyny to win 18 million votes.

But here is even better news: It won't work. This isn't the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need. Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It's about making life more fair for women everywhere. It's not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It's about baking a new pie.

Selecting Sarah Palin, who was touted all summer by Rush Limbaugh, is no way to attract most women, including die-hard Clinton supporters. Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Clinton. Her down-home, divisive and deceptive speech did nothing to cosmeticize a Republican convention that has more than twice as many male delegates as female, a presidential candidate who is owned and operated by the right wing and a platform that opposes pretty much everything Clinton's candidacy stood for -- and that Barack Obama's still does. To vote in protest for McCain/Palin would be like saying, "Somebody stole my shoes, so I'll amputate my legs."

This is not to beat up on Palin. I defend her right to be wrong, even on issues that matter most to me. I regret that people say she can't do the job because she has children in need of care, especially if they wouldn't say the same about a father. I get no pleasure from imagining her in the spotlight on national and foreign policy issues about which she has zero background, with one month to learn to compete with Sen. Joe Biden's 37 years' experience.

Palin has been honest about what she doesn't know. When asked last month about the vice presidency, she said, "I still can't answer that question until someone answers for me: What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" When asked about Iraq, she said, "I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq."


She was elected governor largely because the incumbent was unpopular, and she's won over Alaskans mostly by using unprecedented oil wealth to give a $1,200 rebate to every resident. Now she is being praised by McCain's campaign as a tax cutter, despite the fact that Alaska has no state income or sales tax. Perhaps McCain has opposed affirmative action for so long that he doesn't know it's about inviting more people to meet standards, not lowering them. Or perhaps McCain is following the Bush administration habit, as in the Justice Department, of putting a job candidate's views on "God, guns and gays" ahead of competence. The difference is that McCain is filling a job one 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency.

So let's be clear: The culprit is John McCain. He may have chosen Palin out of change-envy, or a belief that women can't tell the difference between form and content, but the main motive was to please right-wing ideologues; the same ones who nixed anyone who is now or ever has been a supporter of reproductive freedom. If that were not the case, McCain could have chosen a woman who knows what a vice president does and who has thought about Iraq; someone like Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison or Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine. McCain could have taken a baby step away from right-wing patriarchs who determine his actions, right down to opposing the Violence Against Women Act.

Palin's value to those patriarchs is clear: She opposes just about every issue that women support by a majority or plurality. She believes that creationism should be taught in public schools but disbelieves global warming; she opposes gun control but supports government control of women's wombs; she opposes stem cell research but approves "abstinence-only" programs, which increase unwanted births, sexually transmitted diseases and abortions; she tried to use taxpayers' millions for a state program to shoot wolves from the air but didn't spend enough money to fix a state school system with the lowest high-school graduation rate in the nation; she runs with a candidate who opposes the Fair Pay Act but supports $500 million in subsidies for a natural gas pipeline across Alaska; she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, though even McCain has opted for the lesser evil of offshore drilling. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger.

I don't doubt her sincerity. As a lifetime member of the National Rifle Assn., she doesn't just support killing animals from helicopters, she does it herself. She doesn't just talk about increasing the use of fossil fuels but puts a coal-burning power plant in her own small town. She doesn't just echo McCain's pledge to criminalize abortion by overturning Roe vs. Wade, she says that if one of her daughters were impregnated by rape or incest, she should bear the child. She not only opposes reproductive freedom as a human right but implies that it dictates abortion, without saying that it also protects the right to have a child.

So far, the major new McCain supporter that Palin has attracted is James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Of course, for Dobson, "women are merely waiting for their husbands to assume leadership," so he may be voting for Palin's husband.

Being a hope-a-holic, however, I can see two long-term bipartisan gains from this contest.

Republicans may learn they can't appeal to right-wing patriarchs and most women at the same time. A loss in November could cause the centrist majority of Republicans to take back their party, which was the first to support the Equal Rights Amendment and should be the last to want to invite government into the wombs of women.

And American women, who suffer more because of having two full-time jobs than from any other single injustice, finally have support on a national stage from male leaders who know that women can't be equal outside the home until men are equal in it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are campaigning on their belief that men should be, can be and want to be at home for their children.

This could be huge.

Gloria Steinem is an author, feminist organizer and co-founder of the Women's Media Center. She supported Hillary Clinton and is now supporting Barack Obama.

running the numbers

An American Self-Portrait

http://www.chrisjordan.com/current_set2.php?id=7


It's amazing... please check it out!

photos from OBX

Julius and his cousin, Jonah, sharing a big hug :)


Josh and Julius at the NC aquarium


Julius and I at the Currituck Lighthouse


Julius: ready to climb the 218 steps to the top of the lighthouse


And lastly, check out my big ol' pregnant belly! :)

Today Julius started his Mitey Mites hockey session. It was so adorable watching all these four and five year olds skating around the ice in their equipment and jerseys trying to get the puck into the goal.

Of course Julius, being such a sweetheart, spent so much time wanting to help every child that fell down, that he missed a lot of the pucks. LOL But he had a fun time and everyone left the ice with a new sticker to put on their helmet :)

The other night we went to see a Frederick Keys game. They had their annual peanut-free night. It was a lot of fun, and not only did Julius get a baseball that landed in the stands, but he also won an allergen-free teddy bear from the raffle they were having that night!

Summer is going well. Julius is happy that he's going to be a big brother. It's a girl. At least they "are pretty sure" it's a girl. LOL We've already picked out the name: Isabella.

Doesn't it sound so sweet?? Julius and Isabella :)

Jedi Julius

Taken while spending the weekend at Bethany Beach.

(don't mess with a Jedi *lol*)


We had a great time :)

Julius turns 4

17 weeks

I haven't vomited in two days. Hooray! I think the worst is over and I can finally breathe a sigh of relief.

This past weekend was Julius' birthday party. I'll post photos up soon. It was so much fun! Everyone had a great time :)

so maybe getting off the IV wasn't one of most stellar decisions... I've been feeling pretty crappy: though I won't admit to out loud to anyone!!

I'm really trying to focus on positive thinking. I mean, I'm a firm believer of self-fufilling prophecies, so I doing my best to keep telling myself that I am fine.

It works... except when the evening comes. Then.... augh.

Five more months to go! lol