colors of fall

This season is calling for camel, brown, tan, gray and purple....

And Isabella proves that you can do a lot with purple:



Note the purple furry vest and the purple long sleeved shirt along with the purple Dora crocs... yes, purple is THE color of the season for this Gaga Fashion Baby.

Rubin Family Video.mp4

La Di Da

It's nice when you can cross a concern off your list.
Yesterday, I was able to cross one off: which was FABULOUS...

I spoke to the cardiologist because I was worried about my kids. Josh has a heart murmur, I have cardiomyopathy... should the kids see a cardiologist?!?!

I am happy to say the answer was "no."

Josh's murmur occurred later in life, and my dilated cardiomyopathy is non-ischemic (not coronary disease, not inherited/hypertrophic, etc.) which was more than likely acquired virally and probably postpartum as well.

So unless my lovebugs start showing signs of a cardiac-related issue, there is nothing to worry about.

Very nice :)

sweet summer

Summer is slowly winding down. The days are hot and humid. It's raining a lot: it's as if the season knows it's coming to an end and is hitting us with all she's got before the fall.

I love the fall. The changing leaves and the crisp air always makes me happy. Spring is my second favorite season because of the daffodils. I can't stop smiling when I drive down a road with daffodils lining by the side streets.

I used to love winter. But I think the last snow storm made me a bit sick of the snow LOL

Things are well at home. The kids are happy, which is always important.



I start my new job in a couple of weeks. I'm really excited. Change can be scary, but it's also a somewhat fresh start and I can't wait to jump in with both feet.

Health is the same. I need to call the cardiologist and ask some more questions. Sometimes I think his carefree nature is more of an avoidance, which is generally fine since I like to go with the flow... but then when I start thinking of questions at night, I get annoyed because these are things I SHOULD already know, but don't. But the answer is just a phone call away, so I'll call on Monday.

Tomorrow we're having our family portraits taken. Of course I end up smacking my head against a closet railing as I rummaged for a matching set of shoes... and now I have a painful bruise and bump on my forehead. It reminds me of when my father broke his nose the night before my wedding.

Nothing to stress about, only laugh.

I should plug in my scanner and scan a picture of it.

Well, I suppose I'm done rambling for one evening.

G'night!

good news

In March, when I had my first echocardiogram, my heart function was 30-35%
Then, in May, after taking beta blockers to control my PAC, I had an angiogram that showed an improved heart function of 40%

Last week, I had my second echocardiogram... about/almost six months since my diagnosis of cardiomyopathy.

Good news: My heart function has not decreased.

My heart function is still at 40% which is really good news. It seems the first six months are critical, and considering that my function didn't deteriorate shows that everything is stable.

The cardiologist increased my beta blocker dosage since I'm still having PACs.

But another echocardiogram isn't considered to be necessary for another year.

Seems that 40% heart function is where I'm going to be.

Not too bad.

Better than 30%

And today I was definitely grateful for that 40% function because if it were any less, I would never have been able to carry three boxes into my car and drive them TO MY NEW OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August 23rd, baby!! I can't wait to start my new job :)

My amazing little boy

Yesterday:

So Julius wanted to turn our house into a restaurant. So I pulled out some paper and we were all set to make the signs and menu.

Julius wanted to name it "Chef Cook." So I spelled it out for him. He immediately started with a backwards C, but corrected it when I pointed it out to him. He did the same for the C in 'cook,' but happily figured out that COOK ended with a K.

Then he went to write a second sign, and put the first sign next to him to use as a model.

This is what he wrote:

FEHC KOOC.

I looked at it, and then back at him, and I asked, "Does that look the same as the other sign?" And Julius nodded his head and read it back to me, "Chef Cook."

I find the whole way he processes words to be incredibly fascinating. Georgetown University is doing a study on reading disorders. I've contacted them to see if Julius is eligible to be part of the study. http://csl.georgetown.edu/functional_mri/

As for Julius, the way I've explained it to him is that he has an incredibly cool brain. That it's so cool he can see things in ways that most other people can't. And that having an awesome brain is going to help him when he's older, but now, since he's little, he's going to need to work extra hard in having to teach his brain to read and write and spell the way most other kids do. And that it doesn't sound fair, but it's going to help him do well in school if everyone else can understand what he writes. He seemed to accept that. He's always liked to help people, so by making it seem that his brain is just so awesome and because of his superpowers he needs to HELP others, it motivated him to write "Chef Cook" the right way.

tomorrow

Tomorrow I have my second echocardiogram. I'll find out the results next week.
Honestly, I don't know how I feel... if I've been feeling better or not.

Seriously, I am constantly tired, always. But that isn't new. Maybe I'm more tired... but is it because I'm a mother of two children who refuse to sleep through the night and I work M-F from 8 until 3:30 and then come home to job #2 as Mommy? I mean, that can make anyone exhausted.

And the shortness of breath and chest pains... well, it's been insanely hot. So it could just be because we've been living under CODE RED for awhile.

So am I feeling better? I really don't know.



I guess I'll have to wait and see what the echocardiogram says.

July weekend 2010 083.MOV

Julius has decided to be a "graphic artist." His first "job" was to make a Dr. Fate movie.

rambling cobblestone moi

Sometimes my husband can be absolutely spontaneous. I love when he gets that way... he's all happy and goofy: it makes me smile and I suddenly feel like a kid being told I can buy as much candy as I want at the candy store.

It's such a stress-free and relaxing feeling.

In any case, today was one of these days. I was chatting on the phone with him while driving to a home-visit (because I drive better when I'm multi-tasking LOL) and he surprises me by saying "Let's drive to the beach tomorrow."

I was so surprised that I missed my turn. Thankfully, we have this thing called "3-point turns", so it was all okay.

So now Josh and Julius are at the movies and I have the task of... packing.

I'm not a fan of packing, but I know that if I don't do it (and let Josh do it) he'll forget half of everything we need.

No offense to him. I just know him well enough to do all the packing myself.

So once Isabella went to sleep, I decided to set the clothing out on the bed... and then I came to a horrible realization.

Well, two horrible realizations actually.

1. I cannot find Julius' bathing trunks ANYWHERE. Now the kid has TWO trunks and both are gone. GONE! I checked the hamper, I checked the bathroom floor, I even checked the guest bathroom's tub... I checked the laundry room, under the beds, in the beds, in the closets... where did it go?

And then I came to another horrible and quite BIZARRE realization.

2. I have 3 bikini tops, one tankini top... and no bottoms. Where the hell did the bottoms go?! Again, I checked the hamper, I checked the bathroom floor, I even checked the guest bathroom's tub... I checked the laundry room, under the beds, in the beds, in the closets... where did it go?

I have Isabella's bathing suit.. two of them. I have Josh's trunks. I have extra clothing... the towels are in the washing machine...

but how can we go without all the attire?

Must we really stop by Target on the way to the beach?

Well, if you insist.

In other news this heat has been DISGUSTING. I have to catch my breath just going to my car in a parking lot. It's insane. Ugh. Of course I then remember complaining about all the snow and the cold and the snow and the snow and the snow and the snow and the snow from last winter... so maybe this is payback for all the bitching we all did?

No one said "Payback" was nice.

I heard it might rain tomorrow. Yes, I'm back on the 'beach topic,' Try to keep up, okay? And that is truly bumming me out because all of Josh's spontaneity would have been for nothing. And then what? What will we do on a rainy Saturday?

I still say we should go to Target though *GRIN*

I really like that store :)

tomorrow...

My little boy is turning six years old!

Whoa.


.............

Always be your own advocate

Always be an advocate:
not only for your self,
but for your children.

It's amazing how many people will take the easy road when they think you don't know the information.

It's amazing how many people will contradict themselves when they realize you know your shit.

And sadly, it's amazing how many people just let it all happen.

I'm not one of those people.

Sure, I go with the flow with a lot of things, but not when it comes to my family.

Not when it comes to my children.

And if I become "THAT parent," you know the one I'm talking about... so be it.

I will rather be "THAT parent" that nags and nudges and demands, than "THAT OTHER parent" that lets everyone else run the show.

And it's sad that even with my best intentions and all my resources and all my knowledge.... I'm still going to end up paying out of pocket for something that should be free because there are some PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO DO THEIR JOB, WELL.

Comprehensive should mean comprehensive.

** eye roll **

blah blah

Do you know sucks about having a heart condition?

Not knowing if your chest pain is something serious, or just your average chest pain.

Like, is it:
allergy-induced chest pain?
muscle pulled chest pain?
heart condition-something amiss chest pain?

and if it's 'heart condition chest pain'.... then how bad does it have to get to be considered serious?

See how complicated something as trivial as a pain in your heart can be?

It's obnoxious.

And then, of course, the whole thing leads to the next question:
Call doctor?
Don't call doctor?
Go to sleep?
Go the the ER?

Ridiculous.
I think we all just need some sort of body-scan machinery: something small, like a cell phone, or something similar in size, and just point it to ourselves and CLICK! A screen will pop up and tell us what's going on.

I'm sure an invention like this is already in the works. It just needs to be developed and shared faster. And can it be slightly on the inexpensive side? Hockey is an expensive sport and we just mailed out the checks for Julius' fall season.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend full of relaxation and time spent with their family & friends :)

... now it's time to get back to the grind!

weekend

It's a hot and humid weekend, but I'm happy to be home with my kids.
We've had a lot of fun: playing outside, playing inside, painting, rough-housing, running, cuddling and just relaxing...

Things haven't all been roses however. My father-in-law is still fighting hard with his own heart issues. Josh is having a tough time dealing with this. It's hard to imagine. I don't think I could imagine being in his shoes. It's hard and it's not fair, and it's life and that doesn't make it any better.

But all we can do is be positive and 'keep on swimming' through this world with the hope that it will all work out and everything will be right and okay once again, whatever that means.



And I just found out that my new neighbor is an old friend from high school! What an amazingly strange and small world we live in!

Wishing everyone a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend.

Love to all,
moi

Looking up

It's a been a great few weeks.
My new job starts in August. August 23rd to be exact. And the speech pathologist who works with me in my current classroom had requested to be transferred to this new site... and she'll be starting in August too! We're going to start up the new intensive-needs group there. I AM SO EXCITED!

My health had seemed to be unchanging and for awhile I was slightly worried because I was getting some terrible chest pains and my shortness of breath had increased...

but on Friday I went to my cardiologist and my pulse rate, though fast, was stable!!!

The beta blockers are working!

So now we're playing the waiting game.

Now that my arrhythmia has decreased, will my heart function increase?

We'll know in July.

Can't wait.

Oh.... and in June, we're going to Disney World!!!!!!!!!

I GOT IT!!!

Remember the job fair I went to?
And the wonderful site I wanted to work at?

Well, I had my second interview for that specific position today and....

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's 15 minutes from my house. Right now I'm commuting about 50 minutes each way.

I know about 40% of the staff already and my soon-to-be new boss seems really GREAT!!!

And so tomorrow I will 'break the news' to Hitler--er, I mean, my soon-to-be-former boss... and then I will proceed to do the HAPPY DANCE at my desk :)

August 23rd never sounded so good.

:) :) :) :) :)

This Mother's Day morning was spent at Sugarloaf Mountain with my two wonderful children and my wonderful husband.

It was chilly, but perfect.

Afterwards, we went home and turned into energizer bunnies trying to get ready for the evenings' dinner with the moms.

I think it turned out well.

We'll see, I guess LOL The day is not over!!! LOL

Mother's Day stress

Mother's Day is supposed to be a day of remembering and being thankful for moms. It should be relaxing.

But here I am, the evening before Mother's Day, feeling as if my chest is about to explode.

Why, you ask?

Because I want it to be perfect; but at the same time I don't want us to start the summer financially tight (being a teacher, the summers can be very tight).

Last Mother's Day was a treat. Josh and the kids took me to my favorite art museum in DC, and then we took our moms to Normandie Farms...which was beyond overpriced, but nice.

We can't top that. Not this year.

But when it was suggested that we do something low-key... like just visiting each mother and giving them their present... I knew it wouldn't fly. I knew it.

Even if it meant spending some special quality time with each mother and sharing a cake or something like that (hell, I would be fine with that).

I knew it wouldn't fly.

I was right.

Of course my mother-in-law was fine with it. Or so she said at least. My mother sounded disappointed, but didn't say anything.

Nope. My father called. Of course. And told me exactly what he thought about it.

"Just one day a year to THANK her for ALL SHE DOES and you plan WHAT???"

Thanks for understanding, Dad. Really, like I don't feel like shit as it is, thank you.

So now we are doing a barbecue at our house, and I need to play hostess and we need to buy pink napkins and pink plates and get flowers and clean the house and we need to figure out a menu and then a dessert... and should there be music in the background or not? We need to go to the grocery store and make everything perfect.

Because it's one day out of the year to PROVE YOUR WORTH, right? Every other day of saying "Thank you" and "I love you" and "You're awesome, you know that?" that all means shit obviously because Hallmark says so.

It has to be THIS ONE DAY and it has to be SOOOOO SPECIAL because if not, then you are an ungrateful shit.

Thanks, commercialism, you rock. Thank you so much for adding more stress to our daily life. I couldn't have survived without you.

So here I am just trying to breath and wondering if this is what a heart attack feels like because I keep blacking out, and wondering how can I make tomorrow BE SPECIAL. Because obviously going to their house and saying it and giving them a present and a hug and a kiss and telling him how special they are... well, it means nothing without the bling.

And of course I'm sure I'll hear about the present too. "What, no jewelry?"

Thankfully, it's only once a year.

For Evan

one of Julius' T-Ball teammates:

Flocks of Love


He is a sweet and courageous little boy.

The napping house

It's quiet today.

Josh and Julius are at Camden Yards in Baltimore. Julius and his T-Ball team will be part of the parade before the baseball game this afternoon. He's so excited!

I wish I could be there as well, but I haven't been able to deal with the heat... and it's HOT!!! It's too hot to breathe and well, heat and a heart condition don't really mix.

And I know my cardiologist is still grasping/holding to the idea that this cardiomyopathy is postpartum...but really, I'm pretty sure (after reading up on it) that I would be dead by now if that were the case.

I'm leaning towards "I caught a virus and it attacked my heart." So either I recover, or I don't. We'll know in six months.

So right now the house is quiet. Isabella is taking a nap, and I'm sitting beside her on the computer typing away... I could probably clean the house, but why bother?

It'll just get messy again. LOL

I can't wait for summer vacation. I think we're going to go to Disney World. Surprisingly, it's less expensive than Toronto, and I think the kids will have a lot more fun anyways.

Maybe next year we'll do Toronto. That way, both kids will be older and we could relax more and be a 'tourist' with ease :)